KeN™

Agonized

2008-03-19T22:31:00.002+08:00

I damn stress in school now..
No time for everything..
Exam coming soon.. and im still not prepared..
Tired.. Not enough sleep..
=X

Now life's so confusing..
argh.. i hardly have time to relax..
Except after school..
at least can de-stress with my buddies..

No time to blog..
Haha..
If time permits, maybe i will..

Now i just feel so in pain..
rather more like mentally..
but things just makes me go wild..
im agonized..
if i knew i would..
if i could i would..

At least i knew.. there would be.. and could be..
& just drown me.. in my deep sleep..
Desire could be one's everything; and one's pain..
It was one's once; and one's one..

Off to sleep.. xD

...

2008-02-19T22:28:00.002+08:00

Very long dint post..
xD
its because there isnt any interesting thing to post..
if it wasnt my bro,skymad, tell me post..
i think i'll leave it dead..

hmm..
currently now having common test..
which is so stress-ed up..
This week..
monday - english , maths..
tuesday - chinese
wednesday - ss , physics..
thursday - geog , chemistry
friday - biology..

Today very happy xDD..
Saw my maths result..
49/50..
Very Happy!!! xDDD
But.. coz cher say my 1 mark careless..
Spoilt my mood..
If i found out my careless mistake..
i am going to kill myself sia..

Anyway.. satisfy enough already..
hmm..
today start with chinese lesson..
chen lao shi was like erm..
O.o.. start with revision..
almost slept..
really no mood to study..
only concentrate test..
then was MONKEY's lesson..
damn!.. he just nag on stupid stuff..
whats the difference btw contrast & compare..
totally retarded..

but lucky he late for 15 minutes..
..
then later on..
during recess..
the sec 4 go tekan us..
then ex-co did nothing behind..
so have to settle ourselves..
we immediately change from violence to nego..
but of coz.. its really very overboard..
nvm.. tolerate..
then brandon still so humble..
im like going to explode liao..
nvm.. cool down..
dee jin already blow up..
then i just see how brandon deal with it..
after all those nonsense..

back to class..
start with maths again!..
and thats where i knew my result..
i didnt want to squeeze with my class to see the screen..
so it goes in sequence index number..
then i told brandon to help me see mine..
my index no. 39..
so still very far away..
haha..
then brandon saw my mark..
he immediately tell me..
you got 49/50..
i almost faint..
i was like OMG?..
but then expected..
the paper close one eye also can score A..
xD..
what shiqiang say was right..
when i say the paper tough..
i will flunk it..
when i say easy..
its damn easy..
xDD..
ok thats all..
after that boring mr tan physic class..
totally boring..
but then..
tml got physic test..
no choice listen lorh..
..
after that last period ended 2pm..
for preparation of test..
so maths ended 2pm shortly after mr goh came in..

had chinese test..
totally flunk the exam..
i dont understand the most of them..
i think i'll fail it man..
damn Huang Lao Shi..
..
so tough the paper..
nvm.. i totally feel like bashing someone..
huang lao shi the face is exactly what i target..
KNS!..

Then went "dating" with brandon..
to macdonald to eat & revise..
all pang seh us..
cannot go..
so no choice. "dating" =.=..
haha..

today really nothing much..
these few days going emo..
or seriously.. im really having split personality..
Im finding it hard to control my feelings..
stressed up with the exam thingy..
haiz..
Studies..
Relationships..
Homework..
Exam..
My pathetic life..
im really going siao soon..
=.=..
just feel like breaking down..
but then..
for now..
i still able to cope with studies..
pathetic life still goes on..
relationship still working fine.. i think..
homework and other piece of shit..
heck care already..
totally no mood..
but anyway..
today got tekan by Shiqiang!!!..
Brandon!! & Akmal!!...
Freako..
wanna scold you guys "*f" man..
=.=..
but better not use vulgarities..
feel like as if im barbaric..

Nothing interesting =.=..
life still goes on the same..

"Your vision will become clear when you can look with your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." - Carl Jung

"The minute you begin to do what you want to do, its's really a different kind of life." - Buckminster Fuller

"We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own." - Ben Sweetland

"We must learn to live together as brothers or we will perish together like fools" - Martin Luther King

"Life is something like a trumpet. If you don't put anything in, you won't get anything out." - W.C. Handy

LoL..
Kenji..

Whats this going on..

2008-02-02T19:15:00.000+08:00

.. Long time didnt post..
Lets post some normal* post..
xD
Fall sick from last week until this week..
Feeling very uncomfortable..
Ok summarize this week..

Though i can only remember thurs & fri.. & probably today..
Hmm..
Thurs..
Had lesson on English...
Ok its totally crap..
Hate english lessons..
Mr.Edward will start his long-whining speech..
I dont think what he teach mostly concerns english..
His been talking about nothing except his life, stories..
Though there is 10% english-related..
Hope i dont FluNk my english..
Next was A-Maths.. tutorial lesson..
hmm..we had our test..
CraP 5 questions 20 minutes..
Do & do..
Until last question stuck..
Lucky on [2] marks..
But i stuck at first qn coz i forget to square root denominator..
Damn!..
Then mr goh say stop writing.. totally flunk it..
4 + 2 marks.. 6 marks GG liao.. =.=..

After that P.E..
Played frisbee..
LoL since prefect camp till now..
Had much fun..
But 1 by 1 the guys go join the girls captain ball..
=.= especially brandon.. then SQ..
brandon join i can understand..
his character marh.. xP..
SQ.. ok larh.. acceptable..
Nvm the others..
Cut short..
Then there was maths..
i forgot when i had the test..
but nvm.. flunk it too..
crap i had damn lots of mistake..
got "scolded & piss off cher".. xD
He keep on tell me..
" Cannot see the negative izzit?"
2 marks gone
" You cannot see the word simplify arh?"
2 marks gone..
" Factorize also nv factorise & take out the brackets"
2 marks gone..
Seriously.. Make the subject i dont know how to do..
2 marks gone..
Then got 1 qns i think most the class cant get it.. Indices
1 mark gone..
he still say " calculator allowed. you still can press wrongly the
Multiply when its Minus!!!"
2 mark gone..
Last mark gone was when teacher just go through the question..
& i actually forgotten!.. free mark also wrong..

Maybe i really no mood.. 25 marks i get 14!! DAMN IT..
After that had triple science..
Totally boring..

Mrs Jackie CHEW!..
Crappy chemistry teacher..
Then minus & minus other ppl's mark..
Blame me nv collect the worksheet & count..
Shes the one collect not me..
very pissed off..
The file maybe my fault..
Coz i chem rep.. then i forgot to count..
& my class is really very very..
dont know how to say them..
Not all larh.. some..
argh..
tell them after school give me the files..
They give 1 by 1.. 1 by 1..
=.=..
Friday nothing much..
After CCD went & follow brandon & sq & malz..
they training for table tennis..
I dont get it..
Why are they quarelling over stupid matter..
Just a matter of going or not to RP for STF..
so simple..
SQ, Bran & me go before already..
Its the same thing as last year..
All talking about scientific thinking..
crappy Republic Poly =.=
.. so only me(sch team)& jianliang( sub others)
took cab coz late..
in the end.. very early..
& waited for 30 minutes..
learn a lesson that day.. xP..
Always be late for that course..
others of coz try to be punctual..
haha..

Then 8pm+ i went for tuition..
On my way there saw Nicole & gang..
A maths is really confusing..
I dont uds what the cher saying..
In 1 lesson..
The teacher teach 3 topics..
Logarithim, Quadratic Equation ( A not Emaths)
& Inequalities for E & A maths..
Haiz..
Very blur..
but nvm wait Mr goh teach in class..
Maybe can apply to it..
Then 10pm ended.. went home..

Today saturday..
Woke up 3pm.. online & talk to akmal..
Then went for tuition AGAIN..
3.30pm..
haiz..
Ok thats all..
say someone im going nuts..
Long post for 3 days..
haha.. =.=..

Hope lives gets better each day..
& recover faster.. i hate being half-dead!

Is there anything left to know?

2008-01-26T21:58:00.000+08:00

Today wake up early in the morning..
Gosh im sick!..
Cough, flu, fever.. throat infection..

From ytd night having flu & cough..
had a bad sleep..
Used tissues stack up beside my bed..
& piles up like the books on my desk..

Wake up early in the morning 8am..
then sleep again..
9.15am woke up again..
sleep again..
9.50am woke up again..
slept again..
10.50 wake up..
then sleep again..
Lucky i had a clock beside me..
then always wake up check time..
Finally..
12.10 wake up..
then decided not to sleep..

Online for awhile..
chat & chat..
having really bad flu till now..
Cough until going to bleed..
Slight fever..
Bad headache..
Throat pain like a knife stab on it..

IM a half dead freak!..
Then wanted to see doctor..
Actually got tuition..
Then need go out with xe,bran & so to buy class t-shirt..
cant go.. so sad..
then my mum still wants to bring me out to buy clothes..
DAMN im in a bad mood..
Walk to causeway buy jeans..
Then got some clothes..
Look at some phones..
Then went orchard to buy jeans..
Walk & walk..
Leg break already..
Cant stand..

Had my lunch at takashimaya..
Probably dinner..
Cant eat fried stuff.. DAMN..
there got so many d'licious food..
ah! god is trying to make me suffer..

got back home 7+pm..
Till now still chatting on msn only..
Nothing much today..
Didnt have much time to do anything..
Just wanna rest..
Hopefully able to go school on monday..
God bless...

Im just emo..
For no reason..
Emotionally breakdown..
I brokedown..

Never ask for an answer when theres no reason - Kenji =D

this world is beyond understanding..

2008-01-19T13:14:00.000+08:00

This few weeks after school reopen..
i've been having difficulties..
toggling around with so much things..
this year hasnt really brought me afresh..
instead, dragged me through the next..

somethings that i dont understand..
someone tell me what've i done wrong..
whats wrong..
whats so depressing to me..
I've been losing one after another..
but for what i've done..
they were rightfully wrong..
whats left to me is this emptiness..
i wish & beg for answers..
that im always wrong..
this..
that..
everything..
is there really someone out there to listen to me..
who really do understand me..
who really know what spot am i in..
such difficulties god put me to test..
love is wrong..
friends are wrong..
when i need them..
they're never there..
i hurt others..
i've changed..
this time.. im no longer that who i am..
now whats left.. im just lonely..
i wish i wasnt lonely..
not because i had everything..
but because i had nothing left to be for..
all alone.. & no one tells me..

i need time to sort out my feelings..
i hurt people around me..
& i just hope they knew..
i've no one to talk to..
no one feels how i am..
make me cut myself..
make me stab myself..
make me feel this world is cold..
just tell me..
not that word wrong im facing..
im behind the world..

im so depressing in such state..
im left with no choice to move with..
i tried to change..
i want to feel this world of mine..
now being empty..
i want to carve on all your hearts..
& write them all down..
i've been holding them right in my hands..
tore to pieces with emptiness..

i need someone to understand me..
i need someone to tell me..
i need someone to change everything..
i need someone to judge me wrong..
i need someone to stab me..

the first move to be like this..
i tried holding all of you..
one after another..
just leave me like this..
im stuck in between..
i need to leave & forget..
but i dont want..
no friends..
no life..
no us..
no memories..
i knock myself on this wall..
& to forget them..
im suffering..
im dying..
im lonely like i do..
tell me what im left with..
none right.. to be wrong..

Knock me out of this state..
im breaking down..
& im beyond this world..
behind the world of feelings..

tell me what i feel..
tell me what i can do..
im crying..
im forgetting..
im breathless..

i dont wish to continue this path..
that leaves me this hatred & love..
its miserable..

leave me this emptiness..
the time that change..
& im stuck in this time of mine..

its wrong..
im wrong..
am I?..

i brokedown..
& i made myself apart from this world..
they dont belong to me..
im brought with sadness..
i stayed motionless..
& its the day i left..
i lost all emotions..
im a fool all a long..

leave.
out that door.

Im feeling awful..

2008-01-15T20:17:00.000+08:00

My world..
I once change from darkness back to reality..
Now i finally know..
I always like that.. blame it on me..
Im forever dark..

School works..
Debates..
Competition..
School events..
CCAs..
Programmes..
Its tiring me out..
If i had the chance..
I hope to leave this world..
Now im feeling awful..

I hope someone understand me..
But its hopeless to me now..
No one could ever feel this..
No one will ever understand..
No one knows how pain it is..
Its far from cutting myself with a knife..
Being slash & burn..
Its far worst..

I really cant take it anymore..
Im breathless..
I wish you would..
& i know i never accept anything..

I feel like screaming..
& cut all this pain..
If i rather would..
I want to end this life of mine..
I wish i could..
& i wish the cars will dash me while death upon me..

Seriously..
I never felt this hurt before..
Im bleeding..
& bleeding like i do..
I cant stop it because i walk this alone..

I dont even know where to be..
I know im waiting..
I tried leaving you far away..
But i dont want to let you go..
I'll never let you go..
I wish you knew this pain..
I know no one will feel how hurt it could be..
Im stab deep from the beginning..

If i really do breakdown one day..
Please tell me..
You never regret knowing me..
Though you can never be with me..
But being together.. i never ask more to forever..
But if i really do..
I never regretted waiting..
Because i love you this much..
I want you to know so much..
But to stand this walking alone..

I tried walking.. far away there..
I dont know why i fall..
To such shattered pieces..
That i feel this breathless..
But to follow the lonely path..
That leaves a trail..

I always wanted you to know..
& to tell you so much..
And now im deep-ridden..
It doesnt ache..
It does hurt more than that..

I hope you felt it..
& i know you'll never trust the place i stand..
I can never be like others..
I knew i make you sad..
But i can never know how you feel..
Coz to me.. im just empty..
...
I will never end anymore..
Coz i decide to break them with contents..
Whether you want me end..
It takes how long..
& no matter how long..
Hold my breath to wait for you..

..

This path wasnt easy..

2008-01-04T23:01:00.000+08:00

Sec 1 orientation..
finally over..
xD 3 days never study..
have to work hard!! xP

today was the last day..
campfire quite ok..
i went too hyper..
was too crazy..
haha.. xD
now half dead & tired..
but mind cant sleep..
!!! LOL..
found out so much in this camp..
& also met 41 new friends!..
haha..
class 1aspire xD..
kawaii! except 1.. =.=
what a letdown..
but nevermind xD..
haha..

overall.. sec 1 orientation..
quite ok only..
maybe just bored.. =.=

If i just dont get it why..
that i feel hurt..
& i dont know why..
even surprisingly emo..
this is mad..
this is crazy..
is this what it is..
meant to be..

somethings is ripping when i think..
something just make me think too much..
im very confused..
it makes me bleed..
& its never that pain..
just empty spaces..
& heartache..

Being a miracle..
all because..
this path wasnt easy..
its been 6 months..
that i felt this pain..
its been aching so long..
you.. them.. all..
ask me about it..
& i've no answer to it..
who she is to me..
who am i to her..
or who are we to others..
& im very sorry for that..

maybe it seems alright..
but it aches whenever it runs..
whenever it comes right to my mouth..
its swallows.. & gone..
i dont wish to see that anymore..
bear with me..

KeN

Being in love with you this year is a miracle..

2008-01-01T05:32:00.000+08:00

2 months of hols past..
seems short huh?
but i anticipated for the reopening of school xD

A year gone by it seems..
Wonderful?
Sad?
Happy?
Many things happen..
Many people i met..
& Many experience i get..

Hey! Classmates'08!
A new beginning for me..
& a new beginning for us..
Everything will start from where it stopped..
& to double the speed up..

Today went to vivo..
Had a great time..
Quite fun..
Not really quite but ok.. its great..
It was high & happy xP..

Im not going to be like others..
Going around to say..:
Happy New year..
Its all a different story to me..

New year is New year..
Whether happy or not..
Its another matter..

Christmas is Christmas..
Whether merry or not..
Its still another matter..

To me.. i dont imply on merry or happy..
It doesnt work on me..

A wonderful class..
A wonderful teacher..
A wonderful "mother"..
A wonderful bunch of friends..
A bunch of brothers..
A never ending experience..
A story to tell..
A story to end..
Its comes to an end..
When the content are written..
Lets make it an end..
For the bringing of a series of new event..
08 year.. is where afresh means to all..

The Extraordinary Year.. Of 07..

Begins as a schooling teen..
At the age 14.. 2aspire it seems..
The months that went..
A teacher i get..
A mother i met..
An experience i had..
A miracle i bet..

Past the long 6 months..
I came across the month august..
It happens to me..
That problems line up day after day..
A brother i seek..
A mother i meet..
My troubles are soak..
In the deep sembawang beach..

I met a handful friends..
Which overflow during october..
They came into my life..
& feed on my lonely soul..

Exams were round the corner..
I seek books that gives..
A moment i thought..
A moment i fought..
I sat tables & floors..
Just for the sake of notes..
I talk & read..
As i look & study..
The 4 it seems..
Which mac's brought us dinner..
They earn our 5 bucks..
Just in return for all the yucks..
We feed & savour the d'licious..
Not to feed leeches my brother seen..
But to feed this stomach of mine..
Which bomb my pocket of 50 bucks..
Around 10 days it seems..
We're back to days in studio R..

Life was never that wild &crazy..
If it happens to trigger the chers..
If shout could bear the peace..
Then the principle doesnt have to come & visit..

A year past by..
Just at a wink of a million eyes..

Now..
Just the new 08..
Im already thinking of whats crazy to be seen..
Haha xD..

07 is a wonderful year..
Where miracles happened on me..
During just this birthday..
That made me fav-ed the beach..
I met this girl..
That brought life to me..
Precise..
My buddy told me..
Love is blind..
but my sight isnt failing me..
Love not by the eyes..
But the lonesome heart..
Where souls are the one you love..
Not the one it seems..
I dont know what i've been thinking..
But i know what im sorry for..
If it really sees through..
Im never sour i said..

A relationship brought into my life..
Not specifically relationship..
But a relation that has never been..
Maybe whats right to say..
That smiles has brought it happy moments..
Studio R has been the place..
School has been the location..
Class has been the memories..
People have been the actors..
Beach have been my life..
Brothers have been my advisers..
Ratish is my boss..
& shes my superior..

I started as a secretary..
& that slowly brought us life..
I wait for every day it seems..
For every time im given..
To be the men-in-waiting..
I stood every moment in "place"
Just whenever im in "location"
I spent my time at "memories"
& "actors" are solely my laughters..
"Life" has brought us together..
My "advisers" did the lonesome days..
"boss" have made us team-ed..
For a never ending talks it seem..
"superior" is not what i call her..
But its everyday i spent..
To call her name-d..
But there were ups & downs..
I might be the cause of it..
It just happens to be..
I believed it happened..
Just in time to smile..
For the days i hope that lasts..
& a miracle that happened..
I fell in love with her..

Days of 07 gone..
i wish for a better year..
No matter where it goes..
I wish that it still holds on..
& bring it back once..
To a brand new year it seems..

At first..
I started to say..
No saying sorry, thank you,
or maybe anything concerning greetings of help..
But i slowly understood..
My first started communication..
Was to write & not to speak..
I remembered that..
We wrote in pieces of paper..
& we talk for all it seems..
Complains being in my world..
But i know i cant speak..
Not because i hate..
But i dont wish to talk..
Papers i remembered..
& its our first communication..

Next year would be a great year..
& i certainly hope so..
Best wishes everyone..
Its 6am in the morning..
& im still not asleep..
Cant update a lot next time..
Coz there are so many school events..
That stacks & never falls..
Nights..
Or an early morning it seems.. =)

KeN

So much..

2007-12-18T07:31:00.000+08:00

Over the past few days it seems..
Well, sooner or later,
school is going to reopen..

Mix feelings of school reopen..
Clears my boredom,
Fears of studies..
Another year it seems..
Yet comes the moment of fear..

These few days...

1st week december..

Time is mostly occupied by IT..
Had this competition,
therefore did this animation..
Woke up early morning everyday..
& im always late..
Cant blame anyone but myself..
My bed needed xD
so, sleep & sleep..
Late also bo chap.. dont care..
2 days of boredom in IT..
Then ironically..
3 of us are always together..
No matter what..
Jianliang, Rachel, I..

So..
Started to get interest in piano..
Everyday back home, play the piano..
Seems bored ya?
But its nice when you learn..
& you play it for others..
& its a pleasure you hear it yourself..

Supposingly..
Go school for IT..
But most of the time..
Pang seh the teachers.. & other leaders..
3 of us.. up to NE lib,
where theres the piano..
So play & play..
After long time playing..
Lunch..
& it seems everyday is a repetition..
No choice.. its my life..
xD haha..
Then.. not much..

So back home after all those IT..
Learn piano each day..
Watch movies..
MSN..
Hang out with friends..
Then, go out alone..
LOL..
so emo =.=..
Ok its purely due to boredom..

Practice piano until sometime pek chek xP
Learnt:
Bu neng shuo de mi mi - san shou..
Bu neng shuo de mi mi - wei qu..
Everytime - Britney.S
Wait for you - Elliot yamin..
Ballad pour adelline..
Comptine d'un autre
& some songs..

Well seems i learnt a lot..
But hang on..
Some i only play part by part..
Except for Everytime,
then i play full..

Dont think im pro..
Its hard to synchronise 2 hands xP..
coz i play the organ.. not piano..
But too bad, had interest on piano..
So started learning..
Not much improvements..
Only practice that makes it better..
No perfect..
Coz believed.. there isnt perfect in this world..

Done with the 1st week..

2nd week of December..

10th December.. - Movie!

Haha.. planned to go watch movie..
On the release of the show:
The Golden Compass.. on 6th Dec..
So.. planned about 2 weeks beforehand..
Supposingly 8 ppl..
In the end.. woke up early morning..
only left 4 going..
All pang seh.. but nvm..
xP
Btw the 4 are : JL, me, rachel, anton..
LOL ironically, again the 3 xD..
So..
Our destination was..
Orchard - Shawhouse, Lido..
Woke up early..
Get ready..
Sms here & there..
Finally.. IM STILL THE LAST..
always late..
=.=..
Well.. its destined..
Ok.. blah blah.. cut those laughters & joy..
Meet up at 10.30am..
Bought some things in cway..
Reach orchard 12.15pm at shawhouse..
Ticket bought.. LOL $7..
xP haha..
Only rachel complimentary ticket..
so.. we asked for 1pm..
Then jianliang say not enough time explore..
So chose 2.15pm..
Great.. we had 2 hours..
wt..h...
nth to do.. sit at the table..
day dreaming =.=..
He is suppose to entertain us..
Cant pole dance..
So nth to do..
Coz those pole, as in pillars..
Are too wide..
so.. haiz.. nvm.. xD..
Rachel went to buy food..
that 2 gay want to have their time tgt..
force to follow..
As in not force.
I dont wish to disturb them..
Haha..
then walk around..
when to Isetan..
at the basement..
Got some food..
But i didnt..
& i was force to eat..
=.=...
Well i made the deal..
She buy sushi to eat..
I'll buy something else to eat..
Turns out that i broke that deal..
She bought & i didnt..
xD..
Lol erm.. then keep forcing me to make decision..
To buy what.. well.. she got tricked..
So not very happy =X..
Then, anton & jianliang honeymoon..
came down around like 15 minutes?..
So.. bought everything..
anton no money.. left $4..
Haha..
pity him for a while..
then few minutes later..
he said : Oh ya! i got cashcard..
All diao him..
10 seconds silence..
...
...
pity him for nth =.=..
nvm..
But..
Not every shop except cashcard..
Walk around..
He decided where to get his lunch..
Went to.. erm..
i guess i forgotten..
Should be Mr Bean Cafe..
erm.. nvm.. LOL..
Time for movies..
Though we walk in the rain..
Just to find food for me.. LOL..
as fast as possible..
just bought anything..
At 7/11 bought instant noodles..
heck care.. no time..
then eat & eat..
While jianliang eat KFC..
so reach cinema..
Went in movie havent start..
About 20 minutes advertisement..

Movie was great..
It was nice i suppose..

About 4.15 movie ended..
Went out of shaw house..
5pm rachel gtg..
So.. all went home..
Except.. me, jl, anton..
which means rachel went home only..
Surprisingly.. 3 guys out..
girls home..
LoL..
Nth to do.. went to the beach..
Semb beach!! =X..
Long time didnt go..
But then everything changed..
All looked diff..
dead fish also =.=..
nvm that..
Then started to rain..
No umbrella.. nothing else..
We're all wet..
xP Haha.. but it was fun =)

Then went home at around 11pm..
As in anton went back at 8pm..
I & jl hang around cway till 11pm..
Ok 10 december finally ended.. sigh..

On to 12th december..
Stella invited 3 of us..
JL, Rachel, me..
We went to the church..
At bukit gombak we left the MrT..
Then stella came to bring us there..
The church was..
Grace Assembly of God..
Then we had this Rhema..
So went in, had workshop..
Met some friends..
& then had games..
Didnt eat dinner at the church..
So we went off at around 7pm..
Took the bus straight bk to woodlands..
12 december.. finally ended..

From 12 dec - 18 dec..
I was doing something else..
Thats why not much ppl contacted me..
A secret.. xD..
Haha.. ok..
So.. not much thing to say..

Havent finish my Holiday HW!!
Argh.. have to go school and print..
home printer spoilt..
So..
Meeting up at 19 december to print..

Oh & on 12 december..
Early morning..
Decided meet up at 12pm..
At the school NE lib, piano..
LOL..
Got there.. started playing the piano..
The keys mostly 7/10 all spoil..
play until pek chek..
So we went to the Hall Piano..
The volley peeps are there..
then, play for a while..
Noticed the piano keys are stuck..
Spoilt!!.. furious.. angry.. bad tempered..
Slam the piano =.=!..
as in not me.. but JL .. haha..
All the G keys are spoilt..
Except the top ones..
mostly, the other keys are spoil too..
So no choice..
abandon the mindset of playing piano..
Walk around to find OM..
Then decided to go general office ask..
they say, OM on vacation..
sian.. diao... xP..
Met Ms Joanna lee..
Then she told us to write on the maintenance book..
Then went to church after that..

Had this news at 17 dec..
The NE Lib piano is fixed!..
Except 2 keys..
Which means we can play!..
LOL..

Thats all for December.. for now..
Hardly post..
Coz busy..
Sort of..
Secret xD.. Haha..
A secret that cant be told.. =P
Bu neng shuo de mi mi..
...
I havent slp yet.. its 8.10am now..
the whole night havent sleep.. 1 day nv sleep =.=..
Sleepy & tired..
So.. got to go.. xP..

KeN

A moment of hot & cold..

2007-12-03T00:33:00.000+08:00

Went to the beach today..
Thought a lot..
Remembered those memories..

Listen to the song Tonight..
Make me accept lots of things..
Its the first time..
Being alone that hurts so much..

I dont know why its aching..
But i know im missing you..
I've thought that something is missing..
I remember them so much..
& so much to say..
So much that i couldnt finish them..
I've so many question for you..
But will you be able to answer them all..
A million question.. from you..
Im finding that one question..
That i needed that answer..

I need answers..
Telling me whether to wait..
Or should i move on..
Indeed a million question..
Im clearing them one after another..
Being at the beach..
Walking alone..
Swing alone..
Sat alone..
Its all so lonely..
A moment i felt that i couldnt breathe..
I feel so empty..
& so hurt..
I feel like shouting out..
& say them all out..

Should i..
Or do i have to wait..
Every night at e beach..
Stars are falling..
The night sky is fading..
I watch those stars..
& i feel that i lost something..
A presence it seems..
Will you be there..

That long ago..
Theres you to be seen..
& how i hope i was there..
Its been so hurtful..
To be missing..
Its been two..
Now im walking..
Through everything..
All alone really hurts..

There are times i tried saying..
I cant bear to lose them..
& i ever wonder are we ready..
To step through a new life..
Every night i think..
I wish you were always there..
A missing footsteps..
A missing presence..
A missing person..
To find your way there..

I've promised to remember them..
& i will.. never forget them..
Its a long journey..
To take a step..
Someone help me..
To give me an answer..
Am i suppose to wait..
Or am i suppose to shout out..

I walk a long path..
& no matter what..
We can be who we are now..
Or to finish that step..
I'll be waiting for my own answer..
& to let you know..
Its importance that held myself tied..

KeN

Tonight

2007-12-02T01:51:00.000+08:00

I once dream and hoped for..
Everytime at the beach..
I would be gazing at the stars..
Enjoy the time..

No matter how many setbacks there are..
No matter what i face in school..
I've been smiling never like that before..
Its been really wonderful to me..
And its been something i held on..
Not to forget them..

Though things are getting slowly..
I tried to last them..
& to make it a perfect one always..
Im happy for who i am now..
Those laughters we had..
Whether its fun..
School work..
Remember those days..
Walking together..
Laugh, smiles, cries and school days..
I miss them..
It has been a part of me..
Now being left out..
Just felt as if something is missing..

Everytime i'll be watching..
And every night i'll be gazing at the stars..
It just happen to me..
& how many things i've been through..
I just need you to know so much..
Its a moment of wonder.. that it happened..

I hoped to tell you something..
Confuse whats wrong with me..
It has happen from time we were friends..
Like we always been..
Hanging around in school..
We talk.. like we always do with writings..
Had those papers..
Memories of chatting silently..
Days in studio r waiting..
No matter how long..
4pm,5pm,6pm..
Its been hours..
& the duty we've done..
Every noon,
locking those doors..
& back home..

Its been bits and piece of it..
We were once friends..
Remember those bullies..
Its been different..
And now im cherishing them even more..
We've been that happy like we always do..
Seeing us laugh and smile..

I'll never forget..
& how many promises we made..
Just looking outside the windows of my classroom..
Studies and everything..
& in the library..
During exams we will always be there..
4 of us.. those times we studied..
& spending time to wish that we're in the same class..
I wish i was.. & i am..
Its like memories i wont forget..
& its been hard on you..
Because i know what my friends are trying to help..
What mother say is true..
But i refuse to do what it says..
Indeed its going slowly..
But somehow i need to tell you so much..
That i couldnt say out..
Realise so much.. & i'll be smiling back.
I've been given too much..
Time that i've been thinking..
Its unfair
& theres something that burdens me..
I need to let them out..
& to let you know them..
Studies is part of my enjoyable life..
Im enoying time together..
Always been happy with it..
All those sorries..
Just like worries..
Every promise made in MSN..
Its the chatting every night..
& the games we play in studio r..
They are my home.. & those are the days i've been through..

Just like every tonight..
It cross my mind that..
A disaster can happen anytime..
An accident can occur anytime..
& i cherish time now..
I might regret not doing it..
& the waiting list are longer ever before..

Tonight - FM Static..

I remember the times we spent together
All those drives, we had a million questions
All about our lives
And when we got to New York everything felt right
I wish you were here with me,
Tonight

I remember the days we spent together,
were not enough,
it used to feel like dreaming
Except we always woke up,
Never thought not having you here now
Would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

I remember the time you told me
About when you were eight
And all those things you said that night
That just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in
And the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
And stayed out way too late
I remember the time you sat and told me
About your Jesus, and how not to look back
Even if no one believes us
When it hurts so bad, sometimes
Not having you here

I say
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

I say
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

A million & one question..
I'll answer that one..
I'll be keeping those million..

KeN

What is regret?

2007-11-26T19:53:00.001+08:00

Ask ourself,
Do we regret when we look back?
The reason man regrets is because,
They always look back,
And what they see is just something they experience..

One would say:
Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today, and you make your tomorrow

Have you done that?
Given time and opportunity..
Would you change and do what you're suppose to do?
Time cannot show you anything..
Its just merely showing you what the world is..
And to tell you exact moments..
Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time..
Regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable..

Why stupidity of human beings befall on those who has change, and learn their mistakes..
Why doesnt it befall on those who hasnt, and tries to look back, regret?

Is this what our hearts can do..
To remember, and never forget?
Regret for the wasted time is more wasted..
Doesnt it make sense?

One also says:
The perfect man uses his mind as a mirror,
It grasps nothing. It regrets nothing.
It receives but doesnt keep

Our lives are open to many doors..
We see them close, we see them open..
When we know that its impossible to unlock things that is close..
We still ignore.. standing there like a fool..
And keep thinking and thinking..
Those that wouldnt make a difference.. or change anything..
When one door closes another door opens;
But we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door,
That we do not see the ones which open for us.
A man who speaks, is a man who listens.

Well simply say this..
When you can think of yesterday without regret and tomorrow without fear,
You are near contentment..

This logic happens to be me..:

The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didnt commit when he had the opportunity - Helen Rowland

To regret deeply is to live afresh..
Thats just what happen..
And i've to live afresh..

KeN

To: (Brother, Shiqiang)

There maybe logic here that explains you..
And i know i cant do anything for you..
The past month has been a dark one for you..
I havent tried my best to help..
But just to wish for the best..
We might regret so much..
That we keep reminding ourself..
I just hope to say sorry..
If i ever done something wrong..
I made mistakes.. like everyone does..
The years being able to share..
To gain someone's concern..
A shoulder to lend..
And a helping hand when you fall..
I didnt really accomplish that..
Tears i've seen..
Joy that appears everyday..
It is the smile..
That brightens us up..
I've never did something good for you..
And thats what a bro failed..
Maybe just because..
Im not who you think i am..
Its just a never ending cries..
A tale we all add content..
To a story full of laughter and sadness..
I will not understand you..
If your doors are not open for me and all of us..

=)

Different people, different life..

2007-11-06T21:00:00.000+08:00

A simple analogy,

这个世界是永远都在转变,
有开心,有伤心,
为何每个世界的角度,
都有个字"心"?

There is always a word..
And that word is how we answer ourself,
I asnwer myself, and to do things what my heart tells me to..
And i've made my decision that i really never regret..
Remember the exam results,
When the results are out,
We see the transition of,
Heaven at the 3rd level,
Hell at the 4th level..
Why is the world opposite now?
Shiqiang,
You need to learn how to change..
And change according to times..
Know whats right and wrong..
Something that wont change in life..
And thats to changes..

永远不变的东西,
是永远存在而不变.

To SQ :
喜欢一个人,
不能为了忘掉你所爱的人,
而找个代替来忘掉她.

Shortest post?
Haha need to do some project..
xD
KeN

Remembered,all confusion happened earlier, Later

2007-11-03T10:21:00.000+08:00

Have i understand you enough..
Even though i havent given much..
Is it something sparkling..
That has begin..

I've never hope for anything..
I wont pray or think about it..
Just to get that into my mind..
Its what i've done..
And its how i've put into it..

I dont know when it began..
But one thing is for sure..
Once i've grab it..
I'll never let it go again..
It might have been that far..
But im still holding onto that thin line..
No matter which path you've gave me..
No matter your footsteps goes how far..

Theres just one still there..
Im not going to turn away..
Because you left that foot prints..
Along e beach perhaps..
There'll be a day,
You'll find me there..

I've never given up on it..
So musnt you..
Its been dragging all along..
And its just my regret..
Not to say it out..
I've let things go by its way..
And theres time i've to plan it myself..
I dont know what've i done..
To make things suffer this way..
Im not there to hurt anymore..
Because no matter who i am to you now..
Its still my glimmering hope..

Sometime they would say,
Be sensitive to people around you..
I've got that but some doesnt..
Just an example,SQ..
Sensitive right? why still provoke me to do it?
I cant get that right..
Is it that hard to actually.. be with..
I dont understand you..
& i'll never will..
If you wont tell me anything..
You gain those experience like you always say..
You like to boast around with that?
Its not only YOU in the beginning..
Have you considered for others..
And i get what mother meant.
Because its foolish for me to continue..
But since im keeping things dark..
Whether i share or not..
Your face is always that..
So i trust mother words..
That you're not that optimistic person..
And i believe Xue er said that many times..
Have you thought over it?
You just see that word,
And never kept that really in your mind..
Whether its time for you to realise now..
Its been useless..
I was once told not to hate..
But to dislike..
But seems like none suit you..
Since thats your living soul..
Why i cant find the real you yet..
You've been giving me a hurtful days to go..

Why didnt you ask yourself this..
Is it that hard to love someone?
Is it wrong to do so?
Its my fault.. and none of hers..
Not because im afraid to lose it..
But its because..
I've lasted it so long..
And maybe despicable.. to me it is..
And because of that..
I've never achieve or given anything..
I've never given much to it..

I tried not to get that into my mind..
But i need to get this clear..
Now its my fault..
And put that blame on me..
What i dont get it from you SQ is..
"喜欢一个人有错吗?"
No matter how i've been through it..
I've never shed tears for it..
People do make mistakes..
And its whether how they confront it..
I dont wish to make that dissapear..
I've notice and its been just that moment..

Still there for me..
And always there..
Yes you do shiqiang..
But you've been too much for it..

That chance..
Just that step..
Will you remember all confusion happen earlier later?
I'll be there to make a step in my prints..
Its all just because,
I've never regretted the beginning and end..
Maybe its just that forgiven..
Theres no owing..
Because.. no matter what step it is..
Whether its being followed..
Even though i've not given enough..
And i cant finish it with a sorry..

Will you remember all confusion happened earlier later..

KeN..
-----------
The beginning..
& theres no ending..
-----------------
Remember all confusion happened ever-lasting..
What i've done..
That isnt enough..
And i havent change..
Lead to follow..
And to give that much..
Not just enough..
But just all i make it up..
To finish that step..

I owe you a secret..

2007-11-01T20:17:00.000+08:00

Hmm..
Today not much thing happen?
When for gallery guide..
Cool, just love the experience maybe?
So, when to causeway later on..
Ok the whole time, leg tired.
SuaN, SuaN, SuaN..
Walk up-down horizon for at least 5 times..
25 floors? =.=
Even a machine needs recharge and maintenance..
So does a human needs rest and recover..
Then nth much happen today..
As per normal..
But just felt quite uncomfortable today..

The reason just to say..
And i owe you the reason to it..
Somehow i did tried to say..
But it reaches my mouth,
I swallowed the words?..
I owe you a lot of things..
And i dont know how to clear them..
I owe you an explaination..
So do i owe you a sentence..

I've to tell you and say it..
And i expect myself to say it out..
I cant keep it.. and neglect others..
Its just my feelings.. and neglected a lot more..
I wish to apologise.. but actions should be done..
Secret has an end to it..
And to approach you..
I did something wrong..
And i havent gave you an explaination..
I have a lot more to say..
And i cant owe you anymore..

I've failed to do something..
And im confused for it..
No matter what it is..
I've taken the step..
Actions do matter..
But so do i have to tell you..

How long has it been..
That i've fake myself for everything..
Not getting hurt, but others do..
I'll not continue doing that again..
Because, i trust myself..
And i trust nature gone its way..

Just to tell you..
And lots more to say..
I cant forgive myself for it..
But i'll have to give myself a road..
Because having faith isnt the way..
But sincere cant approach much either..
What i need.. and what is expected..
I owe words to you..
That is my secret..
And i wont let you find out..
Because i'll be the one to know..
And the only one to tell you..

I've never regretted..
I've never forget them..
Its been there all along..
And i've notice it then..

I've to do so..
Because i cant drag it any longer..
I've hurt them so much
I've avoid them too..
I cant just think about myself..
Because there is still you..
And its time to face it..
And not to bluff myself..
And fake myself once more..
And never again will i do so..

KeN

Life is full of variables..

2007-10-30T00:30:00.001+08:00

Hmm..
Ok start from the beginning..
Today..
And it has last everyday..
Erm.. went to starbuck..
At Yishun..
Wait hold on...
Before that.. lets start early morning..
Woke up at 9am..
Then wash up and all those stuff =.=..
K crappy.. my life...
Erm.. had my breakfast..
Forgotten what i ate..
I think should be.. nvm..

Then.. at 11am+ stella.c online..
Then suppose to discuss for debate today..
So.. i was chosen as reserve for their team..
How happy i was.. no stress =P..
No need to debate!! Yea? not really..
Haha quite long didnt debate..
Not used to it now? ok crap..
Then.. chat for a while..
Then i was reminded to hand in my reader digest..
Oh shit!.. really shit!.. today had to pass up..
Then it was like 11.30+ and i had to rush..
1pm meeting debating team + akmal and jianliang..
At Causeway.. erm.. then i was rushing for time..
Then remembered Rachel had remedials in the morning..
Then stella told me to msg rachel..
Luckily.. cher went for toilet break..
So she replied and kindly help me to pass to the lib..
Coz i wasnt wearing sch uniform.. so couldnt enter..
Then she said 12.15 then go.. because 12 remedial end..
Her cher usually drag class..
So when i was out from home it was already 12.10!!..
Omg.. run and run.. drizzling also.. crap..
Then totally messy.. erm.. no idea..
Havent started researching..

Reach the school around 12.20..
Gosh she's been waiting for like 10mins..
So sorry =(.. haha really sorry..
Need a favour from you.. and was late..
Erm.. then pass to her..
The security auntie wont let me in!!..
So i wait outside for her..
Walao.. raining leh.. cruel auntie..
sobs.. haha then nvm..
tolerate her.. haha..
So in the rain about 5 minutes..
Then sad la..
Saw Kelven, yingling, charmaine,
christine and gang.. haha..
Then they also going causeway..
So later rachel came out from school..
Went to causeway.. and then saw them agn..
Just my luck.. i suppose.. haha..

Reach causeway around 12.40..
Walk to the toilet..
Cause rachel need to change her sch uniform..
So waited outside the toilet..
Then.. erm.. saw xiaohui..
ok thats so random.. =.= erm..
ya.. then later came out.. walk around causeway..
Not window shopping.. but killing time..
then walk and walk.. 1pm already..
Finally.. met brandon.. at deli..
then saw Jessica lim, then ken tan..
They're not going with us btw.. just saw them..
Then jianliang and akmal came..
SuPposInGly 12.45pm come.. LATE 30 mins!!..
Walao.. break my record.. haha..
Then nvm.. buddies marh.. forgive..
then.. satu came after that..
She wanted to go starbuck..
lol.. at yishun.. wow =.=..
Haha so at there discuss, eat and did our debate..
Around 4.30+ went to yishun safra.. =)!!..
Erm.. lastly played bowling until 6pm..
So after that.. wanted to go to e beach..
Omg.. sian diao la.. Akmal and brandon rushing home..
So they took a cab..
LOL rating is like $4.50.. i thought it would cost a bomb..
Lol in e end.. around $9+.. hahas..
Lol nvm.. then erm.. went to 7/11 while waiting for e bus..
Rachel had a call.. mum wanted to pick her up..
So she went off.. and then still dont get it..
She told me if we say the same things.. we have to say this..
: Jinx! You owe me a soda..
Then we 5 sec nv reply saying : double jinx...
Then had to owe 1 drink, coke or so..
Erm.. then i dont get it..
Always say the same thing..
Then now so suay.. kena dont know how many soda..
Erm thats so diao..
Nvm.. thats just so wrong..
Haha whatever la.
Then we went to take 856 back causeway..
45mins in the bus..
Freak? i didnt know where we are in the bus..
Lol nvm..
As long as it takes me to causeway point..
No matter where they go.. still fine..
Ok people.. thats it.. im lost.. haha..
Then i was like erm.. erm.. kidnapping?..
Obviously...
Obviously..
No.. =.=...

Then walk around causeway again..
Jianliang went to eat KFC..
So i just stayed there watch him eat..
WtH.. can you believe it?
He is soooo disgusting la..
Damn it.. saliva.. err.. that is so.. gross..
K nvm.. leave that aside..

They went cold storage..
And then rachel called..
Said she left her chinese notes, books at satu there..
So satu lazy to go meet her tml morning..
Satu didnt want to wake up so early lo..
Therefore.. erm.. i had to go satu there and take rachel's things..
Tml morning 10am.. give her the things..
So i went to Satu house..
Take rachel things and went off..
Reach home around 9+..
Then saw "mrs tan, Mother!" on TV!!..
Haha at Arts Central..
For having the whole family..
Getting the Music Scholarship..
Cool right.. of coz la..
ok then.. thats it.. i think..
For today..
Chat in MSN..
Then thats all..

Need to turn in already..
Somehow..

Sometimes i just cant cheer up?
Maybe that has been my life..
And knowing that life has become so dull..
However, i cant find some colours to add onto it..
I ever once felt..
If this is my life..
Then live it the way i want..
No matter how many breakdown there is..
There is always one to make me smile..
And the smiles will just remain as laughters..
I dont know when will it caught my eye..
Attention.. things i really want to gain it..
But such questions are really so fragile and weak..
Words that cant be described as..
My words.. my foolish thoughts..
Who would have ever thought so..
That it really exist once.. and remembered maybe?
Yes to everything.. being without it..

I find it hard to breathe..
Finding it hard to live on..
Every moments, everytime..
Someone is fooling me..
And i hate to face it..
Because i just dont get it..
Avoiding all of it..
Its really too hard to fake it..

When someone tries to avoid things..
And maybe even some dreadful day when it comes..
Time will always seem faster to you..
And when someone has no planning..
No goal.. and everything that goes on like they do..
Time will always seem really slow to you..

My life.. is really slow..
It is that slow.. that no one actually notice it moving..
Am i meant to be motivated..
Or am i meant to motivate..
Maybe now i get it..
This is my life..
I trust everything in life..
Life can consist of so many things..
There are so many possiblities..
And so many different perfection..
Why must there be negative and positive..
Am i learning whats life..
Or am i projected as a life example..
Well.. got the answer? definately no..
Somehow..
Life can be full of variables..
If one tries to face it..
And not to avoid it..
Do you know..
That everything that happen to me..
Always reflects on someone..
And to really find out who it is..
Makes me spin.. and its getting wild..
I dont feel calm at all..
I cant fix the beat in me..
Because i dont know what exactly am i doing..
I am the last one..
And the last question..
Whenever there is a beginning..
I might have to find an ending
Its the day.. it has happen..
And the last day to fade off my life..
Being the last person..
Being the first to find out..
Its for me to know..
And for you to find out..
Life is full of variables..
Keep holding onto one..
And you might find a goal in life..

KeN

-------------------
It has arouse my curiosity..
You've been so suspicious..

If time hadnt cheat on me..
I hope you make it last..
For me and for the moments..
Spent as two.. but not one..
I understood whats been told..
And i know why its been said..
If you really had it grabbed on me..
Will you fade or dissapear..
Thats just my soul.. leave it..
When somehow you appear infront of me..
Am i suppose to react.. or reject?
My life really gets dull..
When it hasnt been coloured..
See my life.. Just a black and white..
Whose going to add colours to it..
Me? or will it be you? or maybe Just everyone?
I suppose you are one and all..

Living my life..
With a passion to go on..
With a journey to follow..
And to lead my life..
This wonderful and unforgettable moment..

-----------------------------------------

Unforgiven sins, unforgiven people..

2007-10-28T21:13:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. these days.. holidays..
Really so bored..
Btw, all those holidays are crap sia..
Almost every week need to go back school thrice..
Sometime even the whole week..
Waa.. getting busy and irritated..
But sort of happy because no studying..

Hmm.. so much to update..
haha.. lazy to do so..
Therefore, need to do it now..

>The day before yesterday<

I was at the beach alone from 5pm+ to 10pm..
Coz quite bored at home..
So i went to the beach..
Friends restricted from going, busy and some lazy :P
So i went alone there..
Met uncle.. as usual..
Surprise.. i saw 5 of them xD..
Treat me 100plus drink..
haha.. thanks! :P..
Then i walk around the beach..
Didnt know what to do?
So i just watch them catching fish..
And crabs.. then i watch the night lights..
Added with full moon view..
And the opposite shore..
Quite hazy that day..
Hmm.. but sure i had fun..
Made a small campfire..
Then went home after that..

>Yesterday<

Hmm.. another exciting day..
Woke up at 9am..
Then wash up, prepared breakfast..
Online MSN, then surf the net for a while..
About 12pm+..
Some of them online..
Supposingly, jianliang rachel and qixin..
So i decided to plan an outing xP..
Nothing to do at home..
So, go to the beach again!..
Rachel went to the beach herself..
And i was suppose to meet qixin and jianliang..
But i need to go there early..
Because giving uncle somethings..
And learning something there..
But then.. nvm barh..
So i met rachel at the Macdonald Sun Plaza..
But then, didnt saw her =P..
Walk around a few times..
Saw her with qixin and jianliang coming from sweettalk shop..
dortz.. haha.. but nvm.. =)
Then proceeded to the beach..
Talk some crap stuff and some cold jokes?
Reach the beach!.. but.. went to the swing first
haha.. so we played the swing for about 10mins?
Walk around the park.. leaving jianliang alone..
3 of us going around the park..
talk and talk.. play and play..
And then pick up leaves and flowers..
omg? force to put flowers on my ears and head.. x(..
Haha look like hawaiian people..
lol.. so weird!! argh!!..
But i still got a deal..
Rachel force me to put flowers..
So i put the flowers on her too :P..
And she look totally like hawaiian girls dancing =.=..
LOL.. then went to meet uncle..
Surprise for them..
Haha.. then took a board.. put our things down..
And there we go.. play at the beach!..
Splash a little water..
Let qixin drink saltwater as she requested..
But she didnt in the end =.=..
Went to catch crabs.. And then dig sands..
Created a small reservoir.. :P..
So.. after that, qixin and jianliang sat at the beach..
Not suppose to pang seh them =X..
Sorry haha.. didnt mean it..
Then rachel, uncle and i went to catch mud crabs..
Hermit crabs and flower crabs..
So we went a long way to the other end of the beach..
Leg very tired!!.. Step onto mud..
And soft sand.. E'ee ing all along?..
Err.. ya.. then got glasses on the ground..
So kept saying : glass.. glass.. glass..
And we found glasses :P.. a spectacle..
O.o LOL.. then went around with uncle...
catch some crabs.. then explored a lot of things..
Dig out some artefacts from the qing dynasty.. :P..
Haha a bowl.. =.= and rachel totally look like the geog textbook..
In the past where the womans took bowl and pots..
To the beach and wash their clothes or so..
So.. haha had a great time..
Then splash water here and there..
After a long walk..
Rachel and i wanted to help uncle take things..
Arguing over a small matter..?
Not really arguing.. just fooling around..
Then accidentally "broke" uncle's net.. into two parts..
haha so sorry.. but manage to fix it back..
All because rachel's fault xP..
Not really la.. my fault haha..
Then went back and leg was very numb and cramp..
Tired.. both shouting for "help"..
Haha.. after stepping soft sand..
Didnt get use to the sand on ground..
Haha.. then make another reservoir some place..
Then splash water again..
Drink seawater again..
=.=.. but used to it..
Then walk back to Qixin and jianliang there..
Sorry x(.. pang seh they all..
Then played with jellyfish, starfish, crabs..
After that, sat around together..
Qixin and jianliang on the wooden board..
How sad.. no space?
Not really just because both our butt are wet..
So didnt want to sit on it...
So sat on the sand..
Pick up stones.. as much as possible..
Then both of us challenge?
Haha.. throw the stone into the sea..
Flipped some stones?
After that..
Rachel's father came to the beach..
Then she ran off and thats all?
Left qixin, me and jianliang..
Watch the sunset..
Then played some sands...
After that went to Sun Plaza for dinner..
As usual, kopitiam food court..
Then qixin always buy "ban mian"
LOL.. then i and jianliang buy laksa..
She went to buy drinks...
come back the whole face not happy..
Because usually $1.00 or $1.20..
At there, costs $1.70!!!..
Then she very unhappy..
haha..
then finally went back home..
Home sweet home after a long day..
Now then i know..
Rachel play musical instrument..
And a very uncommon to girls musical instrument..
Must respect people's privacy..
So cannot say?..
I guess so..
Thats all for the day..

>Today<

Woke up same.. nothing to do..
Wash up.. played some games..
Then went MSN online..
None of them online..
Rachel.. got training in the morning..
Tuition in the afternoon..
Jianliang.. Dont know what happen..
Maybe no one planning to go out..
So very bored..
Brandon.. Always cannot go out..
Haizz.. sad for him?..
Then Qixin.. impossible for her to go out..
Get scolded because of us.. went home 9pm that day..
So.. left me alone..
Luckily.. after a few hours of boredom..
I was called by my family to go out..
YeAh!!.. time for outing..
Got 2 choice.. Ice-skate or rollerblading..
Then because of the weather..
Supposingly go ice-skate..
But then because my father brought my dog along..
Then impossible for him to go ice-skate..
Haha.. so went to east coast..
Then rent a skating shoe..
Because i havent got one yet..
So had to rent..
Then i pulled my dog along with me..
As i skate.. he walk.. haha..
Then he sweat for about 1 hours..
Good exercise..
If not my dog stay at home become old dog already..
Glad he has the stamina..
Then went to get ice-cream..
OMG so damn expensive..
1 scoop of ice-cream, $3.50..
LOL.. anyway had 1 scoop then..
The ice-cream was really very different from others..
No wonder so expensive.. haha.. its really very nice..
Then skate in the rain..
And finally.. return the shoes..
Wash up my dog..
Then went back home..
P.S. i had to sms when im skating..
So embarrassing..
Passer-by looking at me holding a handphone typing,
Skating along the way and pulling my dog along..
So went back home.. like now? at about 8.15pm reach home..

Thats all for today posting?
Too long already..
Cant add additional emotional sentences..
Haha cant get emo now..
Not emo-ed..
=) so.. dont know what to update anymore..
K.. need to chat in MSN now..
Haha...

KeN

It has never left me..

2007-10-25T23:29:00.000+08:00

Today, got back my results..
Border-line to aspire..
So expected to be in achieve..
Quite shock i did fairly ok..
But im surprise my overall is still acceptable..

Though this time EOY,
I did the worst in my life..
But, whatever has happen..
Just learn that..
No matter whether we are sad,
We cant change anything..
Whats done is done,
I cant reverse time, i cant change it..
I can only see them, and follow whats done..

Why must we frown at everything,
We might have regrets, we might have sad things..
But always showing your sad face..
You cant change anything..
Why cant we just live happily..
Smile like everyone does..
And to tell myself..
Its what i've chosen..
And i have to accept it..
Now i just want to be happy..
And i dont want my friends to get worry..
So, no matter what happen..
I'll be there to console them,
And to console myself..

Today morning,
In school got post-exam activities..
Went to tampines for in-line skating..
Had a great fun time there...
Though i already know how to skate..
But im able to help others..
And i get to skate freely around..
Happy that i push myself so hard..
And to vent everything out..

After that, we went to canteen..
OmG, all of them get back their result slips..
Only aspire all waiting..
Anxiously.. well..
I think other classes did quite ok..
So i didnt expect much for myself..
In e end, i really scored quite Ok..
And im able to achieve for pure sciences..
So, im glad though i slacked,
I've done my best to retrieve it..
And to work harder, achieve better..

Learnt a lesson..
From mother, mrs arleen tan =)
though its sad we will miss her..
But she's been the best caring teacher i had..
I just hope, i wont dissapoint her...
After that, all aspire'rs go celebrate..
For doing well, except mine border-line..
Surprise that a few positions, difference is only 0.3
unexpected.. well i knew it..
so i just hope for the better..

After that, went to Yishun Safra..
Meet up at 3pm..
then some late-comers..
Including me..
And i got zaffie late xD..
Sorry :P.. haha..
then after that, we reach there abt 3.45
Book for bowling lane..
Then got a game of billard..
Skills getting bad..
Need to practice more =)

Then had lane 18,and 17..
Cross bowling game..
So we played and play..
Some were not happy..
some were crazy..
Just dont get it..
I hate going out with them..
Always giving me that stupid face..
As if everyone got affected..
Hate sia..
Then about 6.45 end game..
So i rushed to the MRT station,
supposely meeting someone..
But then about to went home..

Well.. in the MRT Station..
Waited a lot of MRTs..
WtH.. all full and some MRT had to stop at sembawang..
Waste a lot of my time..
Then after that received SMS,
At the beach and not at home..
So, supposingly dunno going or not..
Then decided to go..
So i went..
Then played swing,
chat almost everything..
Laughters, depressing thoughts...
Sharing habits, secrets.. :P LOL!

Then went to the beach, walk around the beach,
Enjoying the waves, the "breeze"
Not really breeze, no wind..
But quite nice..
Look at the sky..
Like never before had.
Coz the clouds were beautiful..
Horizon of lights covering the moon..

So, played sand,
Hands covered with the sand..
Then splash water,
Walking at the beach,
following the footsteps,
One by one..
Write messages,
read them, sat down..
Then enjoyed whole scene..
It was a high tide..
So, had about 2 & half hours..
Then still got a lot..
Laugh and laugh..
Smiles..
Made pictures with sand..
Wrote my name,
vice versa.. all along the beach..
Made sand forms, with pictures..
Then throw sand..
And lots more..
Never ending list..
Lastly, sat down..
And watch everything before going back..
Looking around, lying" down..
Then left the beach..

SMS here and there..
Calls keep bombing..
Reached home about 11pm..
So wash up, eating late dinner..
today was quite a wonderful day..
And i finally found out my answer..

What we think about certain things..
Others might not think that way..
What we've done,
Might not reflect on how others think..
Its best that it remains forever..
And its best that it will be cherished..
But certain things isnt that complicated as we think..
Its simple to feel and understand..
To know that things were actually so simple..
And it was perfectly nice..
No matter how far you try to avoid and forget..
It'll just come back..
No matter what happen in the past..
Its just a once.. and not present..
Im happy to know it once..
And to feel it once..
The feeling and moment now is perfect,
And to hope its long-lasting..
Never leave me behind..

It has never left me..
It will never be gone..

Just one day, you might know it..
Just that only day, you might forget it..

One thing is for sure, if you're remembered..
Just cherish what is present now..
And to hope it last forever..

Its part of my life..
Its just me..
My passion..
My life..
My memory..
To cherish it from now..
And never let it fade..
Remembrance of them..

KeN..

Understanding it isnt what you know, but what you feel..

2007-10-22T17:02:00.000+08:00

Today might be the day of surprise..
I did a lot of things wrong today..
Things i didnt want to see..
Didnt want it to happen,

I made someone sad,
I made someone lose hope..
I made someone confuse..
I made someone cry..
I made someone fear..
And i made myself a criminal..

If i knew that things would end up this way,
I beg for a frozen time, and to stop what happen..
I ask for forgiveness, and i ask for a clear innocence..
I want you to know,
a sorry cant cure anything..
but a lie would hurt everyone..
If i had this chance to clear your popping questions..
Sorry for everything..
Sorry for letting you know..
No matter what happens..
I cant do anything to it..
Being terribly hurt now to you..
I cant share nor change it..
Because i cause it to happen..
And i couldnt stop you from being who you didnt want to..
Smiles faded, whats in you now is just troubled thoughts..

To gain your trust..
To be persistent allowing you to know..
It was my mistake..
And it was my only wish..
To ask for your forgiveness..

To end up this way,
It wasnt what i meant..
You understand everything now..
After hiding things from you..
But what you know now is just a part of hurtful thoughts..
I cause your bleeding,
And i couldnt stop it..
You felt everything from the beginning..
But you didnt know how complicated it was..
I chose to leave things alone,
But i neglected feelings..
Which you felt, and i let it slip away..
Just like a wave of emotions,
Within a split second,
It was really a big blow to you..
But it was a better choice..
Not to forbid you in everything..

You seem confused..
And no one has a know in everything you felt..
Was i granted this opportunity..
Or was i granted this chance..
To ask just for your forgiveness..
If it ended up making things worse..
And leads to crying and sadness..

No words can describe how you feel..
But im speechless now,
Knowing that, its all over,
Its all ended..
And whats left is just a fallen hope..
Which you held onto,
And let it go...

KeN..
--------------------------
A miserable day..
A miserable feeling..
--------------------------
An un-controllable reaction..
An unforgiven action..
--------------------------
A rainy day,
To wash me away..
--------------------------

I've let you down

2007-10-18T23:37:00.000+08:00

Did really bad for EOY..
Face the fact..
Im slacking..
Didnt do my best =.=..
Regret? narh whats done is done..
No point feeling emo now..

Haizz.. back to studio r life..
Memories back..
Fun and crazy time!~
Today went for bowling..
Ah Ha!~ Shiok and damn fun..
Group with Zaffie, Akmal brother, SQ, Sarah..
xD! Had so much fun.. So enthusiastic..
Trainer there teach us..
Had a great pose! LOL.. all of us..
We all pose like a bowler do..
Diao the pose is so cool sia haha..
then.. we started a game..
Starting, all go "long kang" drain..
haha.. then got spare..
We improve from spare to strike =P xD..
Then continuosly.. played crazily..
Had a lot of fun trying...
Then we got rewards for strike, split or spare xD..

After that, 12.10 already.. went to the bus..
then took the bus back school..
Btw, P.S the bowling was at Safra Country Club..
My gaming territory ;P
LoL.. wanted to play pool.. but restricted..
Sianz.. then had a really great time..

After that did what reflection =.=
Then school ended after checking papers..
Sad.. lol.. scored really bad.. but overall shld be gd ;P
Haiz.. went to D&T workshop play..
Aiya! K-po.. went to help shiqiang group.
then soldering half way.. careless..
300 degree celcius burn and scald my fingers..
sad.. injured.. pain.. lol...

Erm.. then nth much le barh.. went to studio r..
Finally found out what memories i left behind..
Those days.. those moments.. are unforgettable..
The start and end of a life momentarily innocence..

Past days, wanting to forget all..
Trying hard not to remember..
But all perish within minutes..
It was such a failure..
It was such a total defeat..
It was so pathetic.. and sadeded...
Realising things that came by..
Really cant past away from you..
No matter how you avoid..
It gets so deadly and hurtful to me..
and i still get back to where i started..
And make it a repetition..
To gain both happiness.. suffering.. fear and hurts..
Maybe thats how i was meant to be..
I just cant forget it..
I just cant do it..
I just cant avoid it..
Because memories picked up..
Are found after i regain it..
Can such things not be remembered..
I let him down..
I let myself down..
Im a failure now..
And a total defeat battle..
I cant control myself in doing things i hated..
But it just happen to came across my mind..
And *snap.. There is goes.. back...

This moment is perfect..
Please don't go away..
I need you now..
And I'll hold on to it...
Don't you let it pass you by
I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear..
Do you know what it feels like...
loving someone...
that's in a rush to throw you away...
Do you know what it feels like...
to be the last one to know the key to everything is shut close....
Do you know how i feel..
Do you know how it hurts..
Do you know how it changes..
Do you know how it started?

You're the last to know
You're the last to understand..
Because you're the first who started..
And you'll be the last to end it..

Smiles
Like never before happen..
Ken~

Im aint dreaming for reality; As a mirage

2007-10-16T21:44:00.000+08:00

Why make me suffer when i chose to do it..
Choosing to forget all of it..
Forget what happen..
Forget what that has been regained as a memory..
Forget everything i started with..
And to forget and erase the past living with you..
But to choose not to remember and suffer from you..

Its aint possible for me to forget everything..
Its aint possible for me to dissapear and avoid forever.
I aint going to fade..
Roses for my grave, i yearn for that day..
Because what i chose, has let me sufferings, hurt, and distorted imaginary minds..
Always see them, hurts and pricks my senses..
Always avoiding, but met up with it..
Trying not to hear and see..
As if im deaf and blinded..
But it seems that its been on purpose..
To meet a saddist who wants me to be hurt..
What a joker.. indeed..
But not realising anything..
Force to remember everything back to mind..
Why dont you tell me..
Leave you alone and get far from me..
I hope they did, but that was what i wanted..
Facing them, it, everything..
Makes me wanna avoid them..
Image the picture in my mind..
Feel the pain piercing through me..
As if nothing happen..
But happened for a reason..
Since its meant to let go..
Why are there still traces of unknown footsteps..
That were meant for me to follow..
And lead me back to where it begins..
And what a tragedy, leading back to how it ended..

Ask GoD:
Is this meant to witness or to get hurt..
Is this the choice or is it the chance..
Is it a regret or is it an opportunity..
Is it fated or is it illusions..
Is it dead or is it alive..

Whether or not..
Who cares for now..
They see things one sided..
And why not change my views too..
Not to look at different perspective..
Instead, just look on one..
And leave it as it is..
As least you wont get to think so much..

Hallogen Prefect course ended today..
Ling ( Lingehswari ) our trainer..
Sad to leave, Happy that it ended.. maybe?
Stressed for the results..
Stress on "rB and Br"
Damn those issues..
Why invent a word " woto "
And adds into my dictionary when its full..
Trying to get rid of it..
Since it started for no reasons..
When not end it the same way.
Living this way might get more interesting and meaningful..

Reasons to say forget,
Reasons to say goodbye...
Reasons to end it..

Im aint dreaming for reality..

To brandon:
If you think its worth it..
You think its everything you wanna grab hold of..
Never let go.. because things that came through a long way..
Has tighten your bonds even closer..
Dont ever forget..
You started it..
And better not end it..
Its meant to be, its fated to exist..
Cherish it now, rather than regretting on promises..

Dude, all of us are humans..
I know what you're thinking..
And obviously..
That leads to forget..
Even if the whole world buys your excuse..
I wont, i rather end it now..
Both has the same mind..
And urge to get it..
Determine to grab hold of it..
But there can only be a string..
A thin one that allows only 1..
If it hangs on 2..
1 has to sacrifice instead of drowning 2..
You know what i mean..

Its meant for you,
Titled: Everything you ever wanted
Reasons: Its among all, every single transition, its just one that you ever wanted

To Shiqiang:
The day when you started..
Is the day you clear your heart..
To clear for a comfortable space..
For someone to live in..
Since now its empty,
You should find something to fill it up..
If it gets longer,
The more you'll feel troubled..
Though it has left you a stain..
Try to replace and forget all of it..

This one for you xD
Titled: Hold Grudges;
Reasons: Hold grudges in another form, you tend to hang onto things to wanted clearly to yourself, in the picture, you see the clouds among the dark sky, expresses your feeling, emotionally dark and sad, just because you're holding onto one glimmering hope, someone you have been keeping close of, the clouds are as if everything is going to crush on you, holding it are your tied emotions, to hold onto that whie clouds, but getting the urge to direct it off you

KeN

EOY Period...

2007-10-09T22:57:00.000+08:00

Uh huh...
back to post again..
quite busy with examination going on..
hardly post haha..
often going to the library.. almost everyday..
just to revise with friends..
usual.. jianliang, brandon and rachel..
oh ya, and someday with Soo ching and friends..
btw, geog paper totally flung it..
haha.. its like terribly done...
But then other subjects should be ok..
Maths.. can get 70+ barh..
Science.. currently physics.. sure 80+ lol..
damn easy xD!!!
English.. hopefully 65+ .. darn that hope..
Chinese.. lol can get B already very happy..
History.. Write until hand suan.. the essay questions..
But just aiming for A.. quite impossible..
Then.. next few papers, chemistry, D&T and literature!
then END OF EOY EXAM!
LOL seem very fast...
but really had a great time in e library revising..
Though not confident doing well..
but what i hope is just to get into Achieve at least..
Sad.. =.-!!!
Then still having bad sorethroat..
Eat too many Mac's Junk FOOD!..
lol.. *cough *cough...
Tml literature paper good luck bah..
Now burning midnight oil..
Hopefully score well..
Dont know choosing lit stream or geog..
Whatever it is, just hope i do well for EOY..
And i slack a lot for the past few months..
So even if i score badly, its very common..
Regretted.. mistake =P xD!!
K.. back to revision..

Ken..

I dont know how to be myself

2007-10-04T21:21:00.000+08:00

Days have gone by..
Feelings have faded each day..
Maybe its just because..
Whether i had the confidence in it..
Or whether i have loss the patient..
I dont know when it happens..
When i started it..
How it has been through..
But what i know now after years is that..
I didnt know what i am..
I dont know how to be myself..
Whenever things clings onto me..
They grab me and stay along sometime..
When days passed, anythings would have blown it away..
If there was a strong bond..

Maybe it would have hold me tight..
To secure it.. And to be by my side..
But things changes as time pass..
They let go when it faded..
And hopefully.. the last glance at me..
Would dissapear in my mind..
Finally, they gave up hope..
And it releases.. There you see it fly away..
Far away from you and you could nv grab it back like before..
But else would have happen?
In my life.. things could have come without notice..
They come and go easily as said..
But among thousands and thousand or mayb hundreds..
Would there be even one able to cling on me..
I doubt so.. because i dont even know myself..
I just feel like cold inside.. Very deep hurt inside..
Somewhere i didnt want to search for it..
The fact that avoiding myself..
So someone tell me why..
I always "consult" people things..
Telling them.. In a situation example like..
Shiqiang.. given that he was rejected..
I mean socially ya.. I said many things to him..
But it appears that its easily said.. But hard to do it..
Somethings is better to be seen than done..
Somethings is easy to say; but not done..
Maybe i felt this now.. And its part of what i experienced maybe?
Pyschologically yes it has change my life..
Many ways to change my pathetic life..
Many ways to know more about myself..
Now and then.. Every day i found bits and missing parts..
Missing memories and lots more..
Each day over the years.. I could have grab some of it..
From some unknown place i've left throughout my life..
Im trying to know how i've been..
How was my past.. a hidden one or a unknown one..
Getting to know more each time..
Things seems to cling onto me..
And i remembered them clearly..
Why do i remember those that are more hurtful and painful memories..
Rather than remembering those that are the happy moments..
Its my mind.. Its my life..
Im circling around somewhere..
And i couldnt stop the spinning..
Now i know when i found myself..
And when the most important things in life.. have cling onto me long ago..
Its just that.. I never notice them..
Or never did i stole a glance at it..
Because.. its been around me..
And i chose to avoid and keep it hidden..
Days goes by, it has faded from my memories..
An accident might not have help regain it..
Because things that has gone far away..
Takes the longest time to retrieve back..
I didnt know what to do.. I just feel like ending it from now on..
An example..
Traffic junction..
With 2 roads apart..
The right way and the wrong way..
Now my life has added lots of things..
But i just found out that..
I drove the wrong way..
Because i was left with no choice..
There is a road block in my life..
Placed at the right way...
And therefore, i headed for the wrong way..
In the beginning of my life..
What have i develop as a person breathing in earth..
I didnt know.. but what i know was..
I want to continue my journey..
In search for a way out.. An alley..
Where i take the risk..
To drive out of it..
Many have gave me directions..
And many have guided me through..
And maybe it would take me forever..
To get back those memories..
Those feelings.. And those times i've been with them..
At the point of dead end..

KeN..

Im ill.. At the wrong time..

2007-10-03T19:34:00.000+08:00

Argh... Cant believe im sick now...
Having fever,flu,cough and sorethroat..
zzz... Exams round the corner...
Friday the next paper which is geog..
arh... today shld be revising but i didnt..
How sad... Left with thursday to revise..
That is like so bad.. Damn...
Guess i cant post much today..
Because the fever is making me real bad..
Miss school today and hopefully..
Tml i will recover and attend school..
Tml might be going library myself..
Self-study i suppose...
But i think jianliang and brandon will be tagging along
=) so i hopefully i can score well..
Not affected by being ill...
Im weak here xD
Dont bully the weak =P

Ken...

Silence-d You get the picture?

2007-09-29T23:57:00.000+08:00

I dont know when have i felt so wild..
I dont know how to be calm and relax..
Have i done a grave mistake..
Or have i made myself regretted so much...
But i think i should have given hopes to people..
Instead of making it fade away..
And snatch it all for myself..
I might not have felt that way..
But it seems that "all" felt it that way..
So i suppose its a wrong things to do so..
Though the mistake might not be undone..
But whether given the chance..
Or given the reverse in time..
Hopefully time would froze and stop...
But impossible to do so..
So mayb i have neglected in the past..
Should have cherished more now..

Then now back to what i've done today...
29th September which means today...
Went to the library continuously for 2 days and going on..
At the library revising for writing skills and descriptive writing..
Then at last.. after few hours.. went to MacDonald for lunch.. or dinner..
On friday, we went to macdonald civic centre there from 9pm - 11pm..
Then saturday went at 5.30 - 7pm..
Bored and didnt know where to go...
But still went to sembawang beach..
Jianliang only.. sianz but at least i should be alone..
I went to the beach and enjoy the precious time there..
But then the seawater tide is like very very low..
So can see all those rubbish there..
Disgusted though.. but later on at 9.30+ the tide became high..
So i left a message at there... Within a bottle..
Someday or somehow, i will find it back...
Dug a hole.. place a piece of paper with wishes inside the bottle..
And then place it very deep in the sand..
Jianliang also follow me do that..
Though it might seem stupid..
But its already somehow a best way for me..
So that i can face the truth to myself..
Well then we met the "uncle" which was a fisherman..
He was friendly and always there to chat with us..
LoL.. so the few days at there seems the same..
But things changes fast...
That day i saw a "full" moon.. almost full..
Nice as it reflects the sea..
So i enjoyed the breeze which wasnt gd today..
And then enjoyed the waves...
And lastly the sky, with stars...
So i think i had relieve myself from lots of things today..
Somehow i feel like breaking down..
After so much things happen..
But then i still got myself calm down in the beach..
My mind and heart is always wild and troubled with..
Mayb the only place that would help me solve it..
Might only be the beach..
Leaving messages at the beach..
I think thats the only way i can vent my angers, emotions out..
So i think i had a great day tonight..
Yawn* late at night again but still hope i can be there forever..
After that, as rachel's family were at the beach..
So they came for awhile and went off...
Rachel then came to the beach to find us..
So 3 of us were ironically been together again..
So we all watched the night lights far away..
The sounds of the waves, added with the stars and moons at the night sky..
So i think it was really great..
I lie down at the beach..
So did rachel lie down and watch the night scenery.. sky..
Just that jianliang keep groaning about lying down at the sand..
So rachel and i just lie down in peace i suppose..
Realising so much things happen..
Then we 3 played sands and covered my leg with sands..
Played for quite a while..
"ate" sands and best thing is..
We didnt have to drink seawater..
Due to the low tide..
Coz its really disgusting..
Therefore didnt had a chance to be in the seawater..
Or drank seawater..
Played sand, throwing around..
Then fell quite a lot of times..
And also had sands into my eyes..
Dont want to say but at least..
I accepted apologies xD? as usual?
Though i seem bad at least im not that bad..
Had a candle from the uncle..
A floating candle with "heart-shaped"
Then i just lighted it up,
Enjoyed the candle light for a while..
After that rachel went to say bye to the uncle..
Then she went off, as her mother came to fetch her home..
So left with jianliang and me..
So i just played with the candle..
lighted it up and wanting to wash it to the sea..
So we went to the sea and let the waves bring it far away..
Jianliang so unlucky, the candle light went off..
Then he couldnt light it up again.. So just float it and left it there..
So my candles went floating away.. As far as possible..
At that point of time, i felt as if my troubles were brought away..
And my wishes would be far away.. When the time comes..
Mayb it was granted hopefully..
So my mum called me..
And i had to went home..
So my dad who was driving =.-..
Then also send jianliang bk home..
So today i think it has been a meaningful one..
Realise lots of things..
And hopefully it stays as my memories forever..
Thats all for tonight..

Ken...

Who are your friends..?

2007-09-27T19:32:00.000+08:00

Maybe now is the time i realise...

What friends are for...
What friends truly is...
What friends meant to you..
What friends can do for you..

Maybe i finally get what it means..
Probably realising now isnt a bad thing..
I pursue for truth..
But i can also avoid truth...
I cant face the truth..
Because knowing the truth is vice versa..
Whether to hurt you or change you..
They say,
you only get to know true friends..
When you know them really well...
You get to know whos your friends..
Rather than those we call "Thrash friends"..
We often say...
Friends cares for you..
Friends will comfort you..
Friends are there for you...
N friends will never leave you...

But knowing that...
I knew its all wrong...
Friends might never leave you...
But friends which get offended easily..
By mistakes or not meaning to..
They just leave you and set that mindset..
You can break up friendship for a day...
But the next day or even minutes...
They are back together...
There seems to be another path..
Friends which did something wrong to him/her..
They wont give u a chance to say anything..
They just left you... And harms you...
Will friends be able to apologise to you when they do wrong?
Will friends ignore you if you have done wrong?
Will friends forgive you if you done wrong?
Or maybe knowing your friends more,
You tend to know what character they are...
You set a picture in your mind...
and finally, you know whether you met a good friend..
Or a friend we consider as temporaily feelings..
We know friends through many different ways..
We start from scrap...
Being a baseline friend..
You chose to be a special friend..
A special friends can be important to you..
But they can fool you and hurt you...
Buddies are those who you feel..
They are always a part of me...
But i got fooled over here...
Or maybe just because...
I wasnt given a chance to clarify..
Or make up the wrong doings...
Does friends encourage you?
Or they discourage you N leaves you..?
Obviously... Friends are those who encourage you..
Whatever you do, whatever you are...
They are your buddies you cant live without..
They are part of you, you are partially part of them..

Now i know...
Friends are those who comes and never goes..
No matter what you did to them...
Or what you insult them...
They still forgive you and what we say to them is..
Sorry and we are patch back...
But friends that comes and go...
They just stay with you...
Talk to you, share everything..
And lastly, you put your trust on the wrong friend..
N they leave you for what you did to them..
Or what you said or insult them which hurt them..
Those friends we name them as...
Illusion friends you meet from nowhere..
Friends which started from a day..
And ends another day..

So they,
Follows with you through your path..
Remembers you being part of you..
Important to you for now and ever...
Enters your life this way, and forever that way..
Never will they leave you, and never will they forget you..
Dont they forgive you? indeed they do, and always are..
Since they are your friend, why are they indifferent from you?

I'm always harsh towards my friend..
But they are so kind... Real nice friends...
Which would worry me and comfort me..
They forgive me always for what i've done...
They are friends which helps me in troubles..
Regardless of what i've done, i truly been part of them..
You hope to have more friends, rather than enemies..
But this time im really wrong...
I met a friend i trusted so much...
And i've always been harsh to him..
Always comfort him vice versa..
And always there for him when his down..
But now i trusted someone's word..
Never trust anyone.. Because once you trusted them..
You fall for the trick being someone fooled by him..
You tell him everything and why you're in that mood..
He never understands you nor did he knows why you did that..
He blames you, discourage you, hurts you, harms you...
And that is a friend in my life..
Who i've trusted wrongly..
Or mayb its just my fault...
For being harsh and saying things wrong..
But the fact that he hasnt forgive me...
I know thats my friend...
And thats how he leaves me there...

I went in the rain today, walking around the school..
I thought over and over again...
Why cant he understand that why im moody?
And why cant he feel that what i said to him..
The things we say secrets...
And even my family matters...
He knew it all..
But why wouldnt he know...
Why im born this way..
Why i get this pathetic life...
And why he wouldnt understand me..
For the fact that he left me..
And never forgive me..
Im blinded by him now and then..
Im blinded by truth and false...
Im blinded by mostly everything..

I hope the rains can bring my troubles away..
And wash it off me...
So that i start a life i wanted everyday..

Ken..

Life is just temporaily materials...

2007-09-24T16:57:00.000+08:00

Argh... Getting my mood back to study...
End Of Year examination coming...
Will get to regret one day if i dont change now...
Hmmph... last saturday...
Early morning went to the library at 10am...
Got there and saw He Xing...
... but he wasnt my initial thought of meeting...
Haha... k then...
Met Brandon, SQ, Xue er, Rachel, Jianliang, Candice, Zihan
And supposingly also Akmal, Zafira but in the end didnt turn up..
Nvm those slackers...
then saw Jasmine and Seri at the library also...
So we studied from 10am to 6pm...
About 8 hours... But mayb only 1/2 of the time chatting..
Bored and tired... then followed as plan...
Candice, jianliang at 6.20pm went to eat LJS...
So i've sorethroat therefore not eating...
Well then candice cannot go to the beach...
Which we had intended to go with Brandon, Rachel, Me and Jianliang..
But then so sad.. Brandon parent dont allow... kill brandon for that..
So rachel was having tuition.. till 6pm +..
Therefore we waited for her...
Till about 6.40+ called her...
She still deciding to go or not...
Surprisingly... we were told to go there first and meet her there...
Bored... about 7.15 reached the beach...
Cant call through her or msg her...
So we waited at the playground...
As we were waiting for her.. before proceeding to the beach..
About 8.20+, We saw her going off to somewhere...
Then jianliang shouted her name...
She saw us then shocked...
The irony is...
She was already at the beach at 7pm!!!
She waited for us while we waited for her...
All becoz she wanted to surprise us =.=...
So we went to the beach, played with sand and water..
Splashing here and there... Whole body soaked with seawater..
Gross and it sands all over...
=.=... & i still drank seawater...
Yucks and pui la....
zzz lol... very salty... cant believe i would drink seawater again..
So she had to go at 9.30...
But she was late as her parent will scold her if she was late..
So she rush to pack up and didnt had the chance to change her clothes..
She wore her shoe which had some difficulties...
But with some help... at least she had wore it without getting wet..
So.. She went off and i stayed there staring at the sky...
The stars werent visible... They were blocked by clouds...
So cant see them and the moon wasnt that beautiful..
But still had a great day...
So about 10.45 we pack up and ran to the toilet...
Most shameful part...
Walking in the beach half naked... no clothes to wear...
But its just the top..
Not the bottom so its fine...
But really disgraceful...
LOL... then we went to the toilet and had a bath...
Came out then i call my parents...
My parents then tell me to go home quickly...
So i just bath and jianliang went to wash up...
So we went out of the toilet... and wore our shoes...
With the help of a bench...
Later i received a call from rachel...
She called me and was frantically speaking to me..
She said that we got her worried...
She was worried that we were missing..
I promise her to be back home at 10+pm...
But dragged till 11+ still not home...
So she called and was relieved that i answer her call..
But its all because my batt was flat..
i only got a chance to on it when it can still worked perfectly..
Then i was like in guilt...
Coz i got her worried and she was about to shed tears...
Cant really comfort her but at least...
She wanted me to promise her to be back home safe and in peace/piece..
So i promised and told her not to cry which i hope she didnt..
Then just kept talking on the phone...
Just to prevent her from worrying all night...
So we then took the bus to sembawang mrt station..
Arrived at woodlands mrt station at 12.00am...
So i took the bus back home and reach home at about 12.25am..
Haizz... got so many ppl worried... unduly worried...
In guilt... especially making some shed tears.. about to...
But still... promised not to do it again without informing..
So had a fun day but also displeased that others were worried abt us..
Both sad and happy... all appears...

Now.. End the last post...
We live to die one day...
This is how i started it... and how i will end it..
We cant pursue for long lasting things...
But we hope to last it as long as possible...
The truth is... Feelings, love, relation, life are all temporaily materials..
Things we wouldnt take for granted..
The things we regret would be not cherishing what we have..
And neglecting those that cherished us...
I started my life this way, and it will end one day...
To be able to promise you everything...
Just to change for a better person...
But to be also to keep those promises...
Kept me in despair...
Never have i been an empty promiser..
I hope this promise would be forever...
The promise between my trust...
And also my character...
Is all between the test i gave myself...
I gave myself this test...
To grade it for a trust to them...
But if i failed one day...
Get to know the facts...
Sometimes it was willingly..
But to promise myself not to do it...
I test myself in this point of view...
Just to make sure...
This is my impression to ".them."
But to realise that everything i yearn for..
Are those that are temporaily adding to my life..
I chose to grab hold of it..
Till the day i've been washed to the sea..
I will never let it go...
Unless it has chosen to give up..
Or else... As long as possible...
Just to make it forever...
I choose not to be temporaily..
On the other hand.. I have to be realistic..
It might end one day...
But to cherish it now and forever..
I urge to make it long lasting...
And though times i've been dreaming for..
Make it real and last..
For the fact that..
We invest in temporaily materials..
And therefore things are temporaily..
And to make it forever..
It requires your perseverance..
And will to carry on with it...
Through the days...
Getting to drift apart..
Will be the day i marked myself as..
Temporaily living of life..
A life seeing through reality..

To change oneself,
Requires someone to give them the will to do so..
This is how i started it...
And i wont end it this way, but to make it forever.
Life is indeed temporaily materials..

This is a candle made name carved with the word Rachel..
I place the candle and the 3 of us light it up.. Damn nice =)

Took some photos during the MRT Trip to Sembawang.. =)

Ken..

Its all too late...

2007-09-16T00:37:00.000+08:00

Now im really in a dilemma...
Whats my life to all of u..
Whats my life to ppl...
I feel as if im just stupidly attached..
Im really confused and lost..
What am i suppose to do...
What should i do to stop all this..
All of it..
Hopefully all..
From happening to me..
I wanna shout out loud...
As loud as i can...
So that the world, everyone..
Can hear my cries...
Why are there always regrets in life..
Why are there mistakes...
That cant be reversed...
And why does it leaves a stain...
So many qns popping out from my mind..
As if sooner or later.. i might just breakdown..
What should i do from now onwards..
Since i have decided on each qns..
Each qns i ask myself...
What i really want...
I dont really understand myself..
I just feel like leaving everything aside..
Let it be just a part of me...
And let it forever stay by me...
This is my pathetic life...
Who will understand me someday...
Somehow when i really get a grip of myself..
When the day it comes...
I'll live for reasons..
Rather than a meaningless life...
Can my cries be heard..
I wish i was at the beach everyday...
To hear those waves...
Which really brings my sufferings away..
Wash it away, far away..
And never let it return again..
Im really hating this kind of life..
To be someone who is able to talk to...
To be someone who is forever remembered..
To be someone who is not just a memory friend to you..
But a friend, who is able to share ur cries and laughters..
Sometimes i hope i was able to be busy...
Busy with everything and not to think of it...
Think of nothing at all...
Let it fade from my mind...
But it seems that.. there is a complication btw it..
That i have to face it someday...
Somehow, it appears at every image on my mind..
Avoiding is useless...
Facing the fact... Is deliberately my freedom of choice..
Whenever im standing at the beach...
My life.. is freed from everything...
Im fooling myself all day long...
Its time to seriously consider it...
Its time, i should let it be my memories..
To hope it would be a remembrance...
There is something in life i have to accomplish..
Something in life.. where i first step out...
Something i need to learn.. and experience from..

I choose to grab hold of it...
And never let this feeling go off..

When was the time i was kept in a dark world...

2007-09-15T18:05:00.000+08:00

When was it...
The time i was being caged in a dark world..
I was never left alone ever before...
But then, i just felt that..
That is how i begin my day...
From where i was...
From where i started to be in this state..
There are so many words..
Which flashed through my mind..
The meaning of being lonely..
The feeling that isnt what i wanted..
Perhaps, it was just an illusion..
The dream of every night & then..
Lights in the night..
Walking through the path...
Well.. this path aint gonna be easy..
It was full with painful memories..
Memories i didnt want to recall..
Not even trying to...
Though i see obstacles infront..
I cant face up to reality..
I kept avoiding it...
When i found that...
Among the darkness in me..
There is still a glimmering hope..
The dark world, made me blind..
I was without emotions..
Without fear nor anxiety..
I was just curled up at a corner..
Somewhere no one knows..
Some place i didnt want them to find out..
My mind keep spinning..
Each day, it goes faster..
As if it was the beating of my heartbeat..
Thumping each second...
The truth is...
From where i begin to be in my dark world..
Is where i was being left out..
This is how it reminds me of...

My world wasnt a bright one either...
It seems like darkness without lights..
Opening my eyes..
It just the same as not..
I see nth.. As if i was blinded by myself..
The world i found out..
Was actually kept in my heart..
I see myself as someone...
Without dignity..
Without tears..
Without life...
Without livelihood..
Without relatives...
Without friends..
Without carings..
Without emotions..
I fear in seeing it each time..
I just couldnt control...
Im just a living dead..
Unable to leave this cage..
I was trapped for a long time..
I fear every night..
I remind myself i dream of it..
The beat of my heart..
Made me fear of it whenever i hear it..
Whenever i get to see it...
Whenever i regret not to face it..

My world..
Never existed in reality..
My world..
Is only kept in my mind..
The truth was..
In it.. was filled with night lights..
From a view of far vision...
The time i was kept in a dark world..
Was the time i was living in reality..
I just hope to fall off some place..
Some place that i can hide myself from truth..
You get the picture?
Tears that aint transparent..
Tears that flows as a dark one..
I hated my life..

Kenji..
Emo-ed since September 2nd week..

End Of Sep Holiday

2007-09-09T18:31:00.000+08:00

Today 10am woke up...
was asked by my granny to go novena..
the church to pray for blessings...
well time cropped up...
so i didnt go as i arranged for study today...
when to the library, civic centre national libray
then met shi qiang first...
sat at a corner doing homework...
but mostly should be chatting xD..
well then make a fool of akmal and brandon...
told them who and who coming... ( fake)
then brandon came out secretly...
parents restricted earlier...
so we used this way to "bluff" him out...
so sianz the whole day...
really very bored...
wanted to finish all homework...
but no mood.. just kept slacking...
something make me felt that way...
& i wished i could get rid of it...
fine... whole day bored...
nth to do...
september holiday even worst..
whole week at home...
except for wednesday when go tampines..
probably to ikea... buy furniture...
deco studio R again...
at least had some fun...
gosh... what a waste of time during holiz...
haiz... so many homework piled up..
stupid works which i nv had the mood to do..

Hope school reopen can reduce my boredom..
at least in school is better than at home..
and return to crazy SR life...
hahaz best days ever at there...

So, didnt really regret being in SR Committee..
Damn fun... so thats all i suppose...
nth to write.. very bored..
Some art pictures here..
i saw them in the library...
nice and interesting photos...
enjoy...

Rachel's bday

2007-08-27T00:24:00.000+08:00

Didnt update that frequently i suppose..
had a great day today... i mean i update at early morning..
which should be 25th aug 2007, sat?
Early in the morning about 7am i woke up..
then saw the bright sun shining into the hall..
so i saw my dog then took a picture with a cute face..
XD lol sure it is cute isnt it?

it was very fun at night and at safra...
though it was quite boring when we have to wait..
at safra... becoz ppl kept booking the pool table..
but then we had a very fun day...
At about 4.30pm we played pool till about 5.10..
it was quite fun and then we played bowling..
before that.. stella came first...
then zafira came... not known...
zafira was a pro bowling player XD
and rachel learn to play pool and bowling..
then.. after the spectacular bowling match,
we went to yishun northpoint to eat...
it was quite crowded but we managed to find 2 tables..
had our dinner and then stella bought cake..
well she was kinda mad when we left the tables..
becoz the cake was gonna melt?
and she wasnt happy...
so she shouted and everyone was looking at us...
but at the end of all those shouting,
we still had fun cutting the cake..
took some pictures but didnt upload all..

She was wishing... lol hope it was granted xD..

Cutting the cake... lol saw the difference?
jianliang sprayed a lot of whipped cream..
lol.. hahas then stella, brandon was fed with whip cream..
disgusted and grossed huh?... LOL.. hahas
then at sembawang beach...
rachel and stella was playing with the swing..
then they splash water on me =.=?
hahas becoz i was scaring them...
erm.. didnt get kick but we went the seaside..
then brandon lighting up the fireworks...
and the candles...
we played with the seawater...
splashing each other... all drenched...
then we made a small sand castle..
and also covered our hands with sands..
hmm... our hands and legs were being covered with sand..
lol then had lots of fun...
though mostly i got teased =.=..
but then i always get splashed by rachel..
mostly she made me drank seawater..
and it was damn salty...
while i also made her drank seawater hahas..
then splashing water until my body is so wet..
unbelievable.. but her's was also very wet...
coz i kept splashing till she wanna cry?
not really...
then after all those fun..
we changed and it was about 11.30pm..
we gave her our presents and she unwrapped it...
at a corner...
her expression look shock but i guess she had fun..
her parents then came... with her little sister..
quite alike though xD...
then went off....
well it was late...
so brandon's father sent us home..
so so thankful to him..
if not we might not catch the last mrt train..
but at least we had a ride on brandon's van..
though brandon and i guess both had lots of thoughts..
and i think no one knows hahas..
had a nice bath... with water!! not seawater..
at home though... at 12.10am...
hopefully we are able to go there again...
i really had a fun day there...
and i enjoyed it... very happy...
very late already barh?..
i gtg sleep.. *yawns...

Ken,
XD

Studio R Crazy Duty...

2007-08-21T19:35:00.000+08:00

hmm... i sort of hate going home...
so i stayed back with rachel after prefects meeting..
stood like a statue outside staff room...
waiting for rachel to meet her EC teacher- ic...
haiz... farizmi again...
he was very very very... cold...
not physically but the words he says makes me...
very cold... then i waited abt 10 mins...
cher still not ther...
kinda feel like punching her... =X
then i went to studio to sub-duty...
jing peng was waiting.. and i didnt grab a bite yet..
so... abt 3 pm i ate lunch... a late one...
omg... and also i went to write a dedication...
for mother ( mrs arleen tan ) =D
and a lot more teachers...then in studio R, had a lot of fun..
lastly, we blasted the music out loud and we sang...
i guess probably brandon, SQ were dancing =X..
rachel sat on the table singing too..
a spectacular performance with lots of audience..
hahas... then i sat in the table too...
juz sang as normal as possible..
didnt really gone nuts...
mind is still clear....
but we had dam lots of fun...
sianzz... wished i hadnt went off so early..
then after 6pm,
we came out of the studio R...
SQ, jianliang went home...
then rachel and i went to the canteen..
waiting for qixin..
i guess i had nth to do so i juz slack around..
i didnt want to go home...
therefore juz chatting...
with brandon who came later on..
and then faiz...
talk about rachel's celebration...
0o cool sia... hahas...
tml i might have to make announcement...
to some ppl who are invited...
mostly close friends...
about 17 ppl invited... dam...
i was the organiser with brandon...
cool i bought presents...
sad... i didnt had one for myself..
ah ha.. jk...
it was a really fun day though...
i better go hav my late dinner =X..
having a bad sorethroat and slight fever...
the whole day...
dam my throat was the worst...
hoping to recover fast..
bored...

Come Try out this test...
browse ppl blog then found out =X

How does your result compare?
Far Below => AverageBelow => AverageAround => Average => Very Smart => Extremely Brilliant => Bright Masterminda => Regional Geniusa => Universal Genius

KeN
=D

Trip to Yishun Safra...

2007-08-18T19:52:00.000+08:00

hmm.. lemme guess...
i didnt update for quite a long time huh...
Well..
on sat, after the briefing on sec 3 subject allocation..
i kinda meet some ppl out to CWP,
though we thought of going to marina bay or vivo..
but its sort of inconvenience as its far from woodlands..
so after a long discussion, we met up at cwp at 2pm..
therefore, i was late for abt 10 mins...
and i was the last one too...
dam coz i was playing com..ahha...
then we decided to shop for present...
kinda for rachel's b'day =X
then.. cant think of anything to buy...
so we headed to our final destination...
so this outing was kinda like a friend outing..
we went to Yishun... safra...
then we wanted to play bowling..
but it seems that not much ppl agreed to it..
we then came to a conclusion that...
we would play POOL =D...
then we play for about 2 hours +...
it was very fun becoz...
there were lots of beginners i guess..
and i aint a pro too... so we played as usual..
had lotz of fun...
candice though was kinda very lonely...
but i guess she had fun...
hmm.. we went for dinner...
by the time is was already 6.25pm..
so me, brandon and jianliang went home..
we pang seih qixin, jeff, canfice and yuying..
well.. i went to the library at civic centre...
discuss a lot of things... when brandon go borrow books..
so i came bk home about 7.20pm...
haiz.. kinda feel like playing again...
arranged to meet up again...
hoping to have more fun i guess...
so nth interesting so far...
juz very e bored...

KeN
=X

Lost In Time...

2007-08-08T18:18:00.000+08:00

Well... im busy for the past 2 weeks...
Elementz, Video Production,
Debate, and all sorts of works..
hmm... i guessed its the only way...
which could resolve what i wished i aint rmbered...
for the past few weeks though...
Juz had a feeling that...
going home makes my mind wild,
i mean, sadness or so...
well i guessed i made myself as busy as possible..
mayb to avoid making me lonely hahas...

TimE... i guessed is nothing to me...
living a day is juz a repetition in life...
what i've done today might be the same tml..
and mayb u'll nv know when timE might end..
If u ever wondered, if time has the ability...
to control one's fate.. you might think is rubbish..
but if timE were to stop one day..
think... and think...
stop at the time where you get all sort of happiness...
lonesome, fear nv existed...
those of ur happy days... weeks.. months and even years..
are you willing to sacrifice something which...
exposes you to a greater height of experience...
knowing the TimE shall stop...
i guess u'll be rushing to queue for it..

Well.. now life to me is nv a difference...
i nv make a difference in life...
if one day i get hit by car...
accident, unforseen events...
i guess i didnt know the reason for it...
risking ur life now which means...
my life is meaningless now...
i lack the way i lived in the past...
What's to be sympathized or pathetic..
in this world of anti-pity...
if this place is to be first world country...
whats more to the society...
Nevertheless... you nv get a chance...
to even comment in such a democratic society..
i guessed so.. As such.. is there a possibility..
a chance, an opportunity to express out...
what seems right which would nv head on...

TimE might seem precious to all...
TimE can also be a hurtful thing...
TimE can heal up ur wounds...
TimE will change ur fate...
TimE is where you live till that day...
TimE is your only regretz in life...

Are you ought to be pity or mayb...
pathetic ppl like us...
or will you seek a way...
for a change in time...

Im lost in time...
i never get a chance to reverse it..
TimE is a repetition in life...
you nv know what happens...
you might seek a day...
whereby you hope to see ur future..
but what matters is...
are you able to have the courage...
to look into ur future...
TimE is your future which leads you..
to a death point...
if one day u see ur future..
as an accomplished person...
TimE can change ur fate...
its all up to ur mind... becoz...
Since you know u'll be a successful person..
Whats right or wrong... will lead you to a path..
whereby you start to think of it...
every second... the tickling of a clock..
you change ur world.. u think thats right..
but indeed, it changes becoz u hate to study..
and then.. your thought and mind...
makes you change ur fate.. its destined...
Are You Able To Face It?.. Your Future..
its all within the TimE...
But what if im lost in TimE..
fooled by it... and u've lost ur path..
i guess when that day happens...
you NeVeR wanted to start it over again..
Becoz it leads you to death...
*tick* *tickling* of ur clock..
You fear of it each time..
whether it brings you the right timing..
or it can be situated at another point..
a view of right; death point..
So i guessed... im reaching the edge..
of a cornered world.. im lost then..
I tried reversing it...
but the pain is still inside me...
i bear it... i tolerated discrimination..
all from the people in the society..
seeing me with a tinted glass..
my personality, changes in life..
i guess no one experienced that much as me..
even if i tried changing it...
its all up to the TimE...
whether to heal it or hurt me further..
Im Lost In TimE...

Kenji
A dead path ahead..

Change in blog address

2007-06-15T04:52:00.000+08:00

Well... i went KL on Sat 16th June then came bk on monday 3am... quite fun at there... coz its better than staying at home... Erm.. going to change address again... incase some ppl doesnt notice about the changes and couldnt link to my new blog... The current address will be replaced with : lived-in-reality.blogspot.com

So write down the address incase i switch it... If u find error coming into my blog that means i have switched... so take note =)

Changes are due to overwhelming faults and complains..
all by the ppl in tagboard=.= dotzz....

Blog adress
Blog Skin
TagBoard
Profile
Add * Memories *
Add * Music Galleries *
Removal of Errors in Page
Adding Script
Adding * Enscripted Page *
Adding * Links *

Then nth else le bah...
Hope it would turn out to be better....
the address notice i will do the changes...
Putting the notice on MSN Display Message...
Take note of it =)

Ken,
Last Note...

Switching of blog...

2007-06-14T17:55:00.000+08:00

Switching of
Blog Address

yo frenz and dudes...
gonna change my blog address soon...
check out my address at msn display message...
my life is still the same bah..
nth special except going to the video production course...
then still got elementz...

just looking forward to the day we go to the library =)
im sure we can finish our homeworks with lots of fun...
hahas... anyway...
stop being worried about me anymore...
i will be alright...
dont make urself worried.. its useless for such things...
erm.. the date and time for the library meeting...
i guess i will inform all of you the schedule...
hope it will be a fun day... last few days being sch reopen.

Kenji,
Last post 4ever...,
to xfriendzforeverx....

Silly Thoughts... I guessed So..

2007-06-11T18:17:00.000+08:00

updating my blog now...kinda bored at night...i mean early in the morning... 2 amwell... nothing interesting in life...there aint any special things to say...or mayb its juz my mood that affects what i think it wasnt..well.. often troubled at night...nv slpt well as always...precisely why... im always facing the probs...well my room is juz like the world at night...four corners that are dark...its simply juz being left out at a corner..often wonder, being at home is better... or not...when im at home..the feeling i get is being pressurized by many things...how i wished i wasnt once like that...be the same as my frenz..well, i juz thought that... being at home gives me problems..i would rather go out... leaving the problems aside...though my problems will fade each day...as each day pass slowly, i might as well forget all...once... which had torn my life apart...trying to live a simple life...simplicity is what i yearn for...things that have been in the past...were once forgotten in my mind...what would i ask or wished for... things in the past...mayb becoz my life was simple too good in the past...many which had lived in poverty...well i might juz experienced it once...what seems to be right... are wrong in the first place...cant be bothered though...i knew what would happen...and this would happen anytime...life was simply too mean to me...prepared for the worst crisis in my life mayb...i shld have cherished what i had before once...now... mayb it has faded away in silence...there is a heavy burden in me...mayb juz to maintain this family...i would gladly change my life...it isnt worth for me in live in...sometimes i thought of leaving home...and thats becoz... im on a desperate situation..well.. some people are juz fortunate...parents who worked are able to maintain their families...knowing that now, there are many more frenz..that have been more fortunate then me now...mayb when i can still live in this family till im 15...i might as well find a part time job to work...i feel that my dad wasnt a part of my family...have u ever find a dad which had changed a lot...my dad was supposed to work though...even though he had failed in his business...what can i ask for? if i would to tell my bros to work..i bet none would understand my intention...life was fated to plan as what it was...pressurized by these problems...well u know... its sad to say that im 14...when i was in sec 1, i already hoped to work...becoz knowing that my family would fall anytime..i juz thought that i was useless... i cant even go out and work...some people who had great family background and mayb...some who doesnt.. i might be the worst of all...students who had the chance and opportunity to study...with their mind in ease... i nv had that...you know the feeling of being a useless person?who cant even find job to help my family...my dad would be someone irresponsible then...there are many secrets and truth my mum and my broz..had found out years ago... tolerance...i guessed... my mum who suffered... my dad who nv had...if i were to tell the truth... life was torn apart in me...well... for the past few years... mayb 6 years ago...my mum would have left the family...but its becoz of us... she lived on in this pathetic family..my father nv understood that... time and time again...she tolerated... now time has went bad...she worked hard to maintain this half-living family...i guessed none of my fren would experienced this trouble...juz a useless person i am... who couldnt help at anything now..if time would have fastened its pace up...i might be able to change..what that has been fated now...my dad who had nv once cared for us...mayb in the past...sigh... what to say?thinking of ways to forget things...keeping myself busy...while the problems and troubles...would have fate away slowly...i guessed... my life wasnt fortunate now...there are no-turning back...my life was meant to be worst each day...well mayb one day... when i cant do anything..i might as well leave this place...so u shld know now...why my life is so dark...

living in this dark world...if i would to say that, having a father...is better to me if he nv existed till then...i think it wouldnt make much differences...if he were part of my life... or family...if im able to live through this year...i might as well choose to be in 3achieve or so..i cant be more pressurize or stressed anymore..studies would have been my 2nd criteria and goal in life..to be able to live on.. i think i shld work secretly...not telling my mum or mayb juz getting paid for a part time..job mayb... if i was given a chance...to be able to change my lifestyle now... i can...but my bros wouldnt... and never would they...none of them cared or even...understood what was serious happening now...changing my lifestlye... living a simple one...mayb my life would change for the better...my frenz... had never felt this heavy burden i had...

i said to leave home..or mayb juz leave this lonesome world..."I would juz end my life..."having someone like me... to have this burden..well one day i really cant stand it...i might as well leave this place..and never look back.. regretz though..Drifted Words..Were all meaningless to people...but it meant a lot to me..if those who understood me...read this then...

I lived a complicated life...when i wished for a simple lifestyle...living with burden...i seek a way out...life wasnt easy as what i thought in the past... these might not be seen as a problem...which i had once forgotten..living in fear and agony...might be one of the worst situation...well a choice and chance that i was given...thought were all juz a side of what i wished for..nevertheless... i was nv given a chance...whether to change my life... was juz thoughts..ending my life.. would ease my problems..leaving the world..might be the only choice im left with..one day, when i really do...please forget abt me...who was once faded away...would you let me being washed out to the sea...leaving me alone... or would i have a chance...to live with a will...nth seems right now..becoz there are no-turning back for me...so please... if i was ever sad or happy...juz notice this... those are juz emotions..which i did to forget certain things....burdens which had sunk in my heart...will live forever till a day...when i was given a chance...to live each day.. like nv before..."

Signed off

Kenji,

JunLiang

* Adding back post also... *

Is Living In This World Pathetic Or Symphathy?

2007-06-09T18:07:00.000+08:00

I just cant stand this anymore...
Why im being pressurized by this...
I kept telling my bro to be more considerate...
well i mean like his been talking on the phone...
to whom i cant say but 1 month at least 70+ hours...
its true... he keep talking and talking...haizz just keep seeing my mum being so stressed at work...i feel that im just so useless.. cant do anything to help her...
my useless bro has never been a considerate person...
he has a mind of his own...i mean like his been talking on the phone with a gal...
obviously i know who...but then in school he is just scared of having rumours....
thats why he rather waste the money and talk on the phone...
then scared ppl see him talking with a gal and rumours goes on...
his just a guy who is afraid of anything...
i mean something like "mian zi"not only this... im stressed at studies...
money and maybe everything...im just someone who doesnt wish to do homeworks...
i see them i keep avoiding...i just think that i will dissapoint my mum...
i just dont feel like studying anymore but just help my mum to maintain this family...
which will soon fall... i hate this life...my life in the past was to study and study...
now i feel like leaving this lonesome world...
facing the truth.. study... money... stressed...
i even thought of leaving home which my attempt to do it...
something which has been holding me bk... someone...
i just wanna leave anything behind and wait till death comes...
i hate to say that i cant bear to see my parents which my father...
cant be a responsible one... to help save his "company"
which is falling months after months and he can still go out play arcades =.=..
a modern father indeed... if my father have ever thought of helping mum...
what a complicated family and situation im in...but i think i will soon leave this home...
my greatest weakness in doing so is...
seeing my mum being worried about me if i left home...
but i somehow or someday i would have done so...
in order to let myself relieve from this stress...
Stress and stress... goes on everyday...
maybe tml would be the day i left home...
im being so called trap and caged at home...
someone who couldnt be freed...if i would ever leave this world...
death...the only thing that i have letdown someone would be my mum...
my elder bro... jf... i think he is better many times then my 2nd bro....
if he would ever think about our situation... cared for my mum...
dont ever think my bro was someone decent...
he is just a cold-blooded freak which after being told to stop talking...
he would just ignore and with his genius brain in studies but ZERO in his senses...
He wouldnt think about others....My father... haiz... nth to say about him...
just an irresponsible father...which last time i think he was a great father...
now, just leaving my mum to provide and maintain this falling family...
i have nth to say liao... tml.. or day after... or days later... i might really...
have to leave this home... i cant stand anymore...the choice of death or leaving home...
leaving home i have to think of where to go...death i would say...
the least thought that would have crossed my mind...
i just wouldnt want to see anything happen...but if im forced to the extent that leaving home...can straightened out my father thoughts and hoping my bro...
would be more considerate and know whats the right and wrong situation we are in...
we are not the same as last time i would tell him...what i cared now...
hoping to help my mum... seeing her stress...is the same as seeing myself being in pain... torturing myself...every night... no one knows that in my heart...
i kept being tortured to the extent that no words can describe it...
thinking and thinking... facing the stress im in... telling myself...do my part...
spend more time with my mum... she has been working all day...
knowing that in the past i have been a bad son... i nv cared for her...
the past i have been wasting all the time... in studies and playing...
now to cherish the time i have with her.. which could be only 2 hours everyday...
last time i had few hours with her but spends on playing computer...
just wanna say to her... im sorry that im ignored you last time...
i wish to reverse the time... cherishing the time with her...
and that i have never played the game " sangokushi taisen "
mostly not much ppl know about that arcade game...
an addictive game which brokes up ur family..expensive arcade games...
i swear to stop it.. now and nv againbut... to my father... that game is...
an addict to him...my only choice now... is to leave this home...
a home which was warm in the past...but i had to choose to leave this place...
which has turn to be a dark... and scary place...i regret in many things...
but mistakes cannot be undone...the only regret that is the deepest in my mind...
left a dark stained... a hole in my heart...not cherishing the time... with my mum...
leaving her alone... being sad at home which she had never expressed out before...
my family... is going to fall anytime.... my bro... 2nd bro... never ever thought of that...
i really need to breathe deeply... i really gonna end my life sooner or later...
to others this might not be serious... i only felt loved once...
which i can never repay bk...... nite again... as the time goes round and round...
i regretted now... but to be someone who is perfect...
never will that happen...tears... loneliness... boredom... everything, everyone...
who has came into my life...shall end one day... some ppl who has came into my life...
added colours in my life..brought happiness and sadness...
frenz which has clear my loneliness and boredom...
maybe even the will to live in this dark world... i HATE my life now...
i hope that the time...had never been going on everyday... stopped at the past...
in the warm place...where my heart is warm... now into the cold and dark world...
the tears in me...Now that im such an ungrateful son... my frenz, family, people...
the only word i would say..."sorry, if i have been someone bad... until now...
its the time i shld be tortured... the pain in my heart will never go away...
a stain that can never be removed... the hole in my heart... a hidden one...
is going bigger each day... till the day my breathe is being taken away...
regretz and sorry to everyone... things im done in the past...
"Kenji, someone you shld have regretted meeting him... being brought into ur life...
even though he gave you happiness or sadness...nth i can say now...
i just hope for a day... whereby my family...can be as happy in the past...
spending the most precious thing in life...time... to be together...
which i regretted...Frenz... which i have never cherished in the past...

the leaving notes...
at the time of 2.15am...
Cruel world, stressed place..
are all a stain in life...

Ken..

*Decided to add back post as it isnt of any differences,
juz expressing one's thought*

Back from SC

2007-05-29T14:09:00.000+08:00

SIanZ diao... morning wake up so early
5.30 in the morning.. kao just to go to the
whatever scrabble competition mrs raj
sign me up...

AlthouGh its kinda boring but its better...
leaving me all alone at home... dam bored..
so long nv update blog liao also dunno what to say...
Just waiting for the IT Camp...

whIch will be on 6 JuNE.. my nxt schedule...
... nth to say also... whatever it is... i just hope to be in sch..
having more camp... what a weirdo i am... but then...
looking into another point of view... holidays are just so boring...
everyone agrees and me, myself cant tolerate such a long holiday..
On 27th Of JuNE wenT to tHe ArT MusUeM... kao saw so many reporter...
the worst thing that would happen is... 65+ students...
All SQUEEZING in 1 bus... consisting of 30+ seats only...
the school is dam budget... tell us give stupid donations...
now with this stupid service...
thEn reaCh there walk here and there... ppl lecturing at us..
then we went tO a "cHaMbEr" it seems to me...
and then got musicians playing music...
thEn PM, Lee HsieN LoOng came in... so many reporters..
all flashing lights at PM... some flashing at us...
News Reporters with their video camera...
omG... itS liKe juSt 1 mIn aNd thE crOwd fIlLed tHe
empty spaces arounD uS... SupposIngLy... XtRaz pPl..
soOn theY "crAwL OuT...
tHey disturbed our serene, peace and silence atmosphere..
tHen wE weNt foR a gAme... "AmAzIng RaCe"
FiNDinG all The IteMs .. wIth a sTuPid MAP!!

Here is the stupid map shown below:

wE dOnt eveN KnOW whEre We ArE.. Lost in the Musuem...
worst of all... the musuem is god dam scary...
all those ghostly faces that are so foreign to us...
looking at it gives me the creeps.. *Phew*...
tHen tWo stupid thing happen... scaring the others...
the musuem's budget lift open at the time we were standing beside it...
no one actually press the button... then it automatically close...
worst of all... no one came out and a stupid notice pasted beside the lift...
"this is a hydraulic lift.. it takes 1 minutes to reach the nxt floor..."
its sort of a stupid lift creation... walk up the stairs is faster 10X FGS...
tHen wE wEnT to A rOoM... SeEing thOse Artefact, supposingly..
here Is aNOtheR stuPid inciDent...
OthErs all wEnT out.. lEaVinG me aNd mY BrO...
wHen i waS abOut to LeavE the rOoM...tHe dOor Shut by Itself...
wE gOT trAPpEd inSide... aNd its SoOoO dArK..
FinaLlY fOunD the ButtON.. to actually activate the door...
wHat KinD of MusUeM is this...
HaIzz... then life goes on... back home playing com...
with NotHinG to play aT aLl..

KeN...

14th May, VIVO Trip!

2007-05-14T18:39:00.000+08:00

Went to VIVO CITY on May 14 07....

Took a long trip to there... sitting at the MRT..
The MRT trip was FUN also lo...
(During the MRT trip) --> TO VIVO
<----(Back from VIVO to Woodlands) XtRa InFo : There will be a transit from Dhoby Ghaut Change to Harbour Front --> Reaching VIVO

LoL we then walk around... see things... then take photo... so much fun..
Photos of water pool, the top view towards sentosa... and etc...
I have uploaded all the photos here.. CHECK IT OUT ;P
Spent hours uploading sianZz...

1)

Here is our tour photo... All edited together...
will edit better nxt time... no time hahas

2)

Photo at the ground floor fountain....

3)

Christine laughing with her shirt all wet... At the water
pool splash water at each other..
(as always... laughing away all the time)

4)

JianLiang and 7Heart taking photo at the top view
of sentosa... although cannot see the cable car

5)

7Heart and Candice with their long hair...( not usual for qixin ) and the same view..

6)

Candice and me taking photo... same view =.=
(The wind is opposing candice's will, blowing her hair
which makes her hair flying around? lol)

7)

The reflection of the transparent glass... taking weird photos... funny hahas...)

P's family photo !! finally can get a shot of 5 ppl... =.=

9)

Another family photo at different views... cool...
( IN this photo, there isnt 5 ppl but 4 1/2..
just look at 7heart face..cant squeeze in sob..bad shot)

10)

7Heart and Christine "Camera" shot...

11)

Christine SOLO photo(acbc=.=)... admirers, snatch
her photo here =.=!! before sold to the
P's Family.. lol... got a copy at friendster...

12)

Jianliang SOLO photo... ( didnt smile..) try to snatch his photo... ITS FREE :)...

13)

7Heart "L" shot... Came snatch... u can get some secrets from her... abt COLWO

14)

The height shot...( FALSE ) take it or leave it...

15)

Jianliang being punch by mei.. ( Fake de...) Grab this laughing "punch" now... ITS FREE.. =.=

16)

Same, me and mei... fake punch by her... with a ghostly 7heart hand above...

17)

A star or maybe a starfish =.= at the MRT station
transit... Dhoby Ghaut...( Back to woodlands trip)

Thats the END of it... a FUN trip never before...
especially such a far trip... FUN in the MRT...
There is disgrace also....
Well... I and Mei because of Jianliang,
laugh from Bradell to Woodlands...
just because of a sign lauguage which others are
foreign to it...

For ur information: Jianliang pants is also
stripped apart... too bad... didnt take a shot of it...

Well the end of today...
Felt happy and relaxed... although i having a fever...
Caring P's Family... Others never get that before :)
Nth else to say... Gtg

Ken,
JunLiang....

Examination Period..

2007-05-10T20:07:00.000+08:00

MYExamination... Sianz... My english sux to the core...
my maths paper 2 sure fail... Hope overall pass though... But paper 1 so EASY..LOL
Im a slacker this year... play all day during exams.... haizz... now so stressed..
i can only hope that my maths and english would pass and overall english can get B
Maths get A2.. Other subject... Confident for A1 =)

After exams... planning to go VIVO CITY and see MOVIE... yo shiok relax myself..
all this pressure and stress... Argh hate it... Seems like life goes on...and on...
so its the usual me... nothing special these days..

Signing Off..,
Ken...,
LoNelY EvA...

With Regards...
Hope my god family all get 'bad' result...
HaiZz all so smart sob... gotta work harder.. To stay in the best class
2Aspire ---> Heading Towards ====> 3Aspire
( Pure bio, phy and chem useless to me.. I might not choose to be in 3Aspire)
2Aspire ---> Still in Dilemma ====> 3Achieve? Just a Thought... =(

CEPP on 13th FUN SIA!

2007-04-14T21:17:00.000+08:00

lolx... both day are realli interesting... coz its realli very fun...
friday we had cepp, before that we were thinking of going to causeway,
stella chee who plan this... was actually so siao!
it was raining that day then we wait so long for the bus...
in the end mei gtg soon so we were lucky a bus came..
then we went foodcourt... they shared saliva with brandon...
lolx cool sia... i mean they drink from the same straw...
cool isnt it hahahas...
then went back almost late for cepp...
then blah blah blah all the way...
after cepp end... we went studio R...
THAT WAS AMONG ALL THE MOST FUN DAY I EVER HAD
and then we play the music as loud as possible...
so cool sia... we fool around... even dance and...
play counter strike... we pawn each other hahas..
then brenda go take video on it... lolx so funny...
but then in stuido R the 30 mins fun was like..
unbelievable... realli... swear !
hahas... nth to say le bah... it was a fun day then

Signing off,
junliang
(ken)

Im GettIng BoRed

2007-04-05T23:55:00.000+08:00

SiAnzz.. Now in school there are on-going debates... lots of test... argh... hoping for june holiday to come... so i could relieve from stress... another form of way to relieve stress... erm... maybe hanging out with frenZ... Hahas... dunno why feel very relax and happy... instead... i wont be lonely and bored... Prefect... all fighting for the seat of being an exco... dunno why all are dying to be... maybe got higher priority, discipline... and wadever... seem like controlling the sec 1 and 2s are easy jobs... blehxz easy to bully... especially throwing away bottles of drinks... hahas... felt stupid today...coz confiscated a lemon barley drink... not open... costed $1... i and jianliang return to the drink stall... hahas shld have drink it... sobs... anyway... just hate test... although after knowing u get great results... u will be so overjoyed... but it very!!!!! stressful... repeat myself... its SO stressed that u will feel that... end ur life bah... hahas... joking... but dunno how to describe... just know that its stress... haizZ... nth to say liao bah... 12am midnight... gtg rest after updating friendster and blog... guess what.. im tired all night...

Signing off..
( KeN ) SJL...

2007-04-02T21:57:00.000+08:00

Gosh totally stressed up... common test then got mid year exam... whoosh.... hope it will be over soon... gratz happy birthday jianliang... friday though didnt celebrate properly... but nice to celebrate with you... then... friday was quite boring after debate... hahahs... gtg... nid to makan.... brb...

signing off..
ken (sJL)

2007-04-01T23:55:00.000+08:00

Friday went out with mei,7 hearts, jianliang ( birthday boy ) no birthday bash... they came to my house... have sushi
lol they so happy... raped my dog... sobs poor little dog
then my schedule was messed up... mei and 7hearts gtg...
then brandon came... i brandon amos and jianliang go causeway...
brandon was like so hungry...
stomach growling.... not in pain -.-... hunger...
hahas... then go mcdonald... he so disgusting...
take chocolate sundae... curry and barbeque sause, sprite mixed together
erkks...
that day was fun though...

gtg... late le...

signing off... story ends...
ken(SjL)

MaRcH HoLidAys

2007-03-12T11:51:00.000+08:00

Holiday feel so boring...
DuNno What to Do except playing
Going Out WIth FriendZ seems so FUn...
HaizZ... Now even though i got rumours...
Its All Because of BRANDON!!!!!!!
EvEn the prefectorial board knows it...
HATE IT !!! Gosh!... hope there is an end to it...
After meimei got stead with wendell...
then i wouldnt have such sickening rumours...
Lasted for 1 year...
Friday, After the EVG Road Run,
Althought prefect dun nid bring anything,
BUT!, taking care of the 'Sec 1 DIDI!'
so siaNz... Nid to shout until sorethroat..
*COugh* CougH*zZz
After that, actually plan to go junction 8,
or IcE- SkatE, Some Disagree...
At The EnD, Meimei backed out! So saD..
Then we go causeway lor... so boring at there...
GrAb some Bites At Mcdonald... SiS and jianliang,
TREAT US ALL!!! CoOL... CaNdIcE such A gD SiS!
TakInG care of PlaYful Sec TwoS hahaahahahs...
hahas then took neoprint... lol i didnt have to pay=X
FeeL so Sad that They TreAt Me hahas...
then the neoprints was SOOOoOoO FunNy...
but then... as u all knoW, causeway so boring...
so DecIdeD to Go Bk homE early... Sobs...
My LasT day with them ended... so FasT.
but with frenZ around... WHO CARES? it wouldnt be bored...
LoneLiNess without FreNz...

DiArY EnDs At 12pm..
JuN LiAnG

BUSY School Life, LONELY As Eva...

2007-03-02T00:49:00.000+08:00

After common test, quite satisfied with my results...
For Now, only get bk chinese, maths and science..
Satisfied coz all A1... But still in school,
Feel lonely... At home... Hate It...
Hate my eldest Bro. HE SUX to the bottom of my heart.
School got lots of activities, English class debate,
Inter-class Debate, Debate Training (Debating)
Elementz( Start Experiment),
IT Club training with the Sec 1s, CEPP.
My Life is full of wonders...
Wonder when the loneliness in me will be covered up,
busy would be a "De-Stress"... Kind of busy and boring.
Hoping to GET OUT of HOME... SiCkEnInG to see my bro..
He has joined the stupidity of human... HATE TO SEE HIM..
Makes me puke... Lonely everywhere....
Alone as always... Never accompanied..
Hoping to Have MORE activities in school...
To cover UP my loneliness... Hate to face reality...
Stressed Up myself... So Freaking Freaked-Out...
1 am in the morning still updating blog...
Tml got school nid wake up 6am... omg...
Im totally NutS.
Late already... Yawning all Day Long,
Feel SleepY...

Signing Off,
Ken, JunLiang

School Laughters

2007-02-17T01:00:00.000+08:00

During school time,
i remember got cepp on thursday for the teachers.
then when we wait at the library,
we took some books.
Damn funny when we saw the diet food...
mention about ganbeng XD
then we went out of the library as
the teacher still having meeting...
Brandon went down the stairs like a elephant.
ROFL XD he was jumping 5 steps by 5
We laugh as the echo bounces up to our ears.
HAHAHAs. Went in studio R for about 30 mins still laughing...
All the way non-stop..
Spreading all the laughing 'diseases' LOL
When we came out,
didnt know y we laugh... even the EXCO got the disease.
HAHAs XD.
That day was realli crazy.....
After months and days,
thought of taking away 1 habit of 'bullying' christine..
making her laugh or even talk to her makes rumours around.
Rumours like..., i have feelings for her or she have feelings for me..
Its complicated..
So decided not to bully her..
Be friendz like ever...
although she told me that if i dun bully her,
she will feel so uneasy...
nvm... juz be lonely all day
I feel realli lonely and sad.
anway. Byez. wanna go sleep le
very tired. 1.08am now... bored

Signing off, Ken
Lonely As Ever!

January Over.. Stressed Up

2007-02-13T21:58:00.000+08:00

1 month is over... Its so boring... Feel realli stressed... I Hate It!!! Prefect, Debate, IT, School Work are making me feel depressed. How i wish i could be the same as sec 1 times. So fun, relieved like ever... Why cant juz rumour stop... Its even deeper than i could breathe through the moist air. Christine rumour juz cant stop... Hope such nuisance things would stop. Others think that i have that feelings for her... Well my heart says no while my mind keeps spinning till i feel so undecided. Such feelings never before... Maybe when i talk to her... it might be a little too close. But it seems like laughter brought us words which couldnt be explain. Answer that i can never find.. Though not in love. Hoping rumours would end. Cause she indeed has a lover... Duh dunno what the sec 2 's are actually thinking... So narrow minded. Wouldnt want to start that relation.

Get over it! Hope that she wouldnt be disturb by me though.. Forever... Hoping we wont be together... Such be friendz... Close friendz.. Realli speechless now..

Signing Off,
Ken, JunLiang

Back to School.. Stressed

2007-01-07T21:58:00.000+08:00

Participating in the Elementz... So stressed up... Need to do research and coping with school works... Hope it would be an enjoyable time in school. Anyway.. hoping u guyz can cope with school works after the long holidays. Nth else to say or update... Busy in school right now... Especially during school time. Although stressed up, but in school at least not so boring and lonely... i think u might felt the same too.. having sorethroat for days... argh pain... Hope that the Elementz work will be a enjoyable one.

Signing off,
Ken, Jun Liang

By The Way, Its fun to be in school.

Christmas Is Coming!

2006-12-22T12:54:00.000+08:00

During christmas, my parents plan to celebrate at my uncle's house. Eat Western foods though. Exchange gifts with families. And so, it will be a fun celebratino on 25th. I hope that school can reopen soon cause aat home really bored... I lived a lonely holiday.. cant go out with friendz... father busy with work... Cant go holiday. 2 months of loneliness made me really bored.. School Reopen, will be meeting new students... Prefect, hope ms teng appoint me to take over express class.. dun wan like this year had to help take over 2A1... now at 2e1 hope got better teachers XD. I might not post on christmas that day cause busy! Anyway, Happy Christmas To All my Friends And Classmates.

Wishing U A Merry Christmas,
Ken, Jun Liang

Holidays Are BORING

2006-11-18T19:24:00.000+08:00

Have u guyz or galz ever wonder at school u feel more happier and lively? I feel so bored and sianz.... At school there are joy and sadness.... at home none... How i wished to be at those secondary school days... Chat with friendz... How u guyz adapting to be lonely in school? Not sure yet right?... Chatting at blog better than nth... Now always Christine wanna talk with me abt her rumours... She got tons of them... worst than me.... I have a feeling that i hope to be in school asap... Everyday pass faster.... i will be glad by that day whereby i wont be as lonely at home... Haizz what to say? Nothing interesting at home... Either exercising ( when im already so skinny ) or playing com ( goes fatter each day ) .... Classmate in sec 1e1 all separted soon... Hope to be in 2e1... 1 opinion... The new class name 2e1 change to 2 Aspire liao <<<< face="arial">5had0wHermit And S0ulShadower )

5had0wHermit & S0ulShadower

Signing Off,
Ken, Jun Liang